Spaceballs, on 04 March 2012 - 01:05 AM, said:
It's not that what is worrying me. I couldn't care less actually - as if someone would ever know what happens in my own house.
I just don't want to use smacks as means of "shocking" children. You never know how the child will perceive the smack. From your perspective it might just be harmless, in order to shock. For the child it might come through as a menace much more powerful than words. The raising of the hand itself, without the smack yet, is a violent gesture. The impact on the child's mind can differ greatly and, not to forget, the inhibition threshold to use violence against other children will be gone with continuous use. That's only logical. If the child gets to know smacks at home, it will also hesitate less to hit other children of same age, when arguments arise.
Not true! I myself was smacked once for hurting someone and ta-da! I barely fought in my life, only out of self-defense. But I was also told "You can only hit someone back, if they hit you first."
I really think that a spanking or a small slap on the hand are acceptable in certain situations. A wooden spoon, grabbing a child by it's arm, smacking it in the face. Those are all things I find unacceptable because you're touching them in places or with objects that might cause too much pain or actual damage to a child. If you smack a child on the ass, you'd most likely put it over your knee first and at that point, you control the situation. If you smack a child in the face, you never know what might happen, it might just be a tad to hard or the child might drop itself in a reaction and hit it's head.
I do believe that it differs per child though. There are children that are more responsive to physical contact, while others are more impressed by seeing things or hearing things. If a child doesn't respond well to hearing, then it might be better to try and teach it by using physical contact, or even pointing your finger infront of a child, which by itself imposes a 'threat' to the child. However, some children don't respond well to physical contact, you can learn that in the early years of their development. If they don't, then slapping the child on it's bum might do more harm then it'll do good. In those cases, a scolding, putting your finger up or these days, taking away a child's x-box, might just work out better.
In the end, I think it's all about 'being a good parent.' Because if you're a good parent, you'll be able to decide for yourself wether a spanking will work or not. And if you use it, you will know to control yourself. That being said,
every parent makes mistakes. It's part of the parenting process, as your children learn, so do you.
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