Smacking a child. Yes or no?

[Chuckun]

If you want to teach them that violence is a proper response....

 

Again with misuse of the word violence. I'm not violent. I can hold my ground perfectly well if I'm forced to but I'm not violent, so no.. Mild physical punishment does not show that violence is the way to live at all.

 

More to the point, the few people I know who were battered and beaten with weapons by their parent(s), are not violent either. All the violent dickheads of my generation and younger, are all those who's parents let them get away with anything. So, you're wrong Sorry!

[Wifestein]

Again with misuse of the word violence. I'm not violent. I can hold my ground perfectly well if I'm forced to but I'm not violent, so no.. Mild physical punishment does not show that violence is the way to live at all.

 

More to the point, the few people I know who were battered and beaten with weapons by their parent(s), are not violent either. All the violent dickheads of my generation and younger, are all those who's parents let them get away with anything. So, you're wrong Sorry!

 

Hehe I'm not violent either... I only wish a few people a nice painful death, which I hope is soon :]

[Jefke]

well last time my dad tried to hit me I was first. But that was like 5 months ago and I never had a good relation with my father... (btw he went out of control and I acted to protect myself and my little sis...)

 

 

anyway that's from a total other degree then a little 'slaps' to shock, have to say those little slaps always worked for me... Better then other punishments (not watching tv and stuff like that), I knew instantly that what I did was wrong and (almost) never did it again.

[CaulkLiquor]

Again with misuse of the word violence. I'm not violent. I can hold my ground perfectly well if I'm forced to but I'm not violent, so no.. Mild physical punishment does not show that violence is the way to live at all.

 

More to the point, the few people I know who were battered and beaten with weapons by their parent(s), are not violent either. All the violent dickheads of my generation and younger, are all those who's parents let them get away with anything. So, you're wrong Sorry!

I can agree with you, I'm not a violent person. My mother threw me down stairs beat me with metal objects and leather straps (dog leash was the worst). She asphyxiated me, she stood on me she even held me underwater. My pet name was f*** nuts. She made fun of me being, my genitalia, my weight (she was 350 lbs), my voice, my smile and my intelligence..... PTSD, AAD and other shitty terms are thrown at me by doctors as an explanation to my behaviours and feelings, but i know what caused them and I can't erase what happened. I can however, stop the ongoing cycle of generational abuse....

 

We we're both talking in very general terms . Every child is unique and impressionable. Parents have the ability to mould their child's mind, however children are often left to rely on media (mediums such as TV, the Internet or movies are the most popular) as a moral compass now-a-days. Given the nature of much programming on tv and the possibilities on the internet (oh god lol), It is safe to assume they will absorb their fair share of violence from the 3rd person. (if you think that hitting your child isn't violence, check your nearest dictionary. I've included a link in this post)

 

The following paragraph is my opinion and nothing more...

 

I do believe that hitting ones children (without proper cause) is a sign of bad parenting, plain and simple.

 

The insinuation that mild physical punishment is not violence is quite silly. You hit your child so they feel pain because they did something wrong. THIS IS INTRODUCING VIOLENCE INTO THEIR BASIC SCHEMA'S!!! In the future, the hope is, that a child won't repeat a behaviour. Would you rather they not do an action out of fear or rational cognition? I'm not implying there won't be any particular emotion attached to said reasoning. I'm simply implying it does not have to be fear.

 

Hitting a child because they are swearing, yelling, not listening, touching things (that do not present a danger to them), getting bad grades or lying is completely unacceptable. Basic interpersonal communication skills (and creative/appropriate punishments) can resolve these issues.

 

Hitting your children for hitting others, putting themselves in danger, putting others in danger, or breaking the law may be an appropriate response. The outcomes for these actions can be serious. If a parent is to intervene they need to explain the seriousness of the situation and use the slap to make them understand that they/someone could have been hurt, seriously.

 

Please do not tell me that hitting a child is not violence http://dictionary.re...browse/violence

 

I hate how the line between moderate corporal punishment and severe abuse is so blurry. That is why I take such a particular stance on this. If you believe in moderate corporal punishment then accidentally injure your child, who is to blame? It is not simply an accident, it could have been avoided.

 

I don't know if I'll post in this thread but ill pm anyone that has a retort...

 

EDIT: I took out "he" and replaced with "they"

Edited February 4, 2012 by CaulkLiquor

[WeetBix KiD]

I was smacked as a child. On the bum with an open hand. That was from my mum. My Dad was too soft and would threaten us with a cane he kept on his trophy cabinet, but we never got smacked with it. We also got grounded and sent to out bedroom. (im 1 of 6 kids) Bedroom didnt work as I had my TV and books in there so I would just lay in my bed and read a book. Grounded worked at times. Usually my mum would forget after a couple of days that she had grounded me for a week and I would be allowed out to a friends house a few days later lol.

Also smacks were the last line of disapline from my mum. We would be sent to our rooms first then grounded. But it also depended on what we had done to what our punishment was. Also what age we were. When my younger brother had my sister around the neck choking her (he is autistic) the only way my mother could get him off was a smack on the bum with a hair brush. He is bigger than my mum and his older sister. But cannot control his temper. We were only ever smacked if we were a danger to ourselves or others.

 

I think the punishment must fit the crime. My kids are al still quite young (oldest is 5) So when it comes to them touching things that could hurt them or they hurt each other. A smack on the nappy clad bum usually works for them. They might understand that touching the oven whilst is on is not allowed, but they do not know WHY they arnt allowed. And I wont allow them to burn their hands on it and say "thats why you cant touch it" So after moving them away a certain amount of times they will get a smack on the bum. I have never smacked my 2 year old though as they just are not at the age of understanding.

As they get older Im hoping that other methods can come into play, things like time out, grounding and taking toys away

[Chuckun]

Don't patronise me with dictionary links lol.. I know what the definition of violence is, but there's such a thing as context, and calling smacking your child in the context intended from the OP, 'violence' is not correct. I'm sorry for what happened to you but you're turning good parents here into child abusers with your narrow mind.

[bell reavue]

Look this is your opinion, there is no "right" or "wrong" answer. There are many outstanding people in my life that I admire and they were all raised differently, some with physical discipline and some not. All parents are different. We could discuss this for days but people aren't going to change their minds.

[Chuckun]

I'm not trying to get anyone to change their mind! That's not what I'm about at all.. I love that we each are able to formulate individual opinions about right and wrong, etc.. But what I don't like is

 

a) my friends here and elsewhere and my parents being labelled as 'violent' and basically bad parents / child abusers for being perfectly good parents..

being patronised by someone who isn't even able to understand a word in more than one context, trying to 'educate' me as he so kindly put it in his PM. (LOL)

 

I'm not here to change people's minds about whether physical discipline is right or wrong.. That's not my right nor my place. But I will defend decent, hard working parents who do things they dont actually enjoy, just to do the best for their children, longer than anyone opposing me would be willing to. Decent parents who raise their children with physical discipline yet without harming them or beating them, deserve that defence, recognition, and appreciation from me and others.

[CaulkLiquor]

I'm not trying to get anyone to change their mind! That's not what I'm about at all.. I love that we each are able to formulate individual opinions about right and wrong, etc.. But what I don't like is

 

a) my friends here and elsewhere and my parents being labelled as 'violent' and basically bad parents / child abusers for being perfectly good parents..

being patronised by someone who isn't even able to understand a word in more than one context, trying to 'educate' me as he so kindly put it in his PM. (LOL)

 

I'm not here to change people's minds about whether physical discipline is right or wrong.. That's not my right nor my place. But I will defend decent, hard working parents who do things they dont actually enjoy, just to do the best for their children, longer than anyone opposing me would be willing to. Decent parents who raise their children with physical discipline yet without harming them or beating them, deserve that defence, recognition, and appreciation from me and others.

 

You keep saying slapping is not violence, and you told me I was wrong. I was using a (4 in the pm) dictionary to back up my argument.

 

also, your profile says you like to help and educate others, i was making a play on that. I was trying to be nice, without touting I've studied the developmental phases in children in my post-secondary studies...

 

physical contact, used as disciplinary action, is a touchy subject based on opinion.

 

the definition of violence is not....

 

 

EDIT: re-read my lengthy post, you'll notice that I say context is everything with regards to appropriate physical response...

Edited February 5, 2012 by CaulkLiquor

[deadpnk]

i believe in discipline,

 

there's a FINE line between punishment, and abuse to the point of mutilation.

 

not every parent would actually see that because it takes some ''dipping your toe in the water''. and i can't blame them.

 

i agree with chuck, and bell on their points of view, every parent is different, its kinda why were so unique because of where we came from, and how we were raised.

 

but there comes a point in parenting where it should be considered, match the punishment with the crime so to speak.

 

i dont think every parent would give a slap on the hand for shoplifting or committing a heinous crime.

and i surely don't think so when it comes to rape and murder, but its all on the parent's morals.

 

coming from south central LA and the amount of crime that happens in certain places, there's alot to blame on the parents and the environment children grow up in.

 

no one gives a slap on the hand, because simply we are raised to be tough and resilient, like give an eye for an eye.

 

"An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind"

- Mahatma Gandhi.

 

i'm one against abuse, not necessarily violence, but i'm one for discipline.

 

i'm not a 100% pacifist either lol.

this topic will pretty much always be debated because of our methods and our environment that which we were raised in; so its pretty interesting to see how much opinions have come up since then.

 

but i believe in the end, each child should have a proper set of discipline according to their actions and persona. so its more the parents issue at that but there are times when it gets out of their hands...

 

*i'm kind of drifting off topic here sorry*

people can be raised in the most ''right'' way and still snap in some certain way, like Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold. They grew up in a environment where they were bullied and rejected from society. Which therefore, caused the Columbine tragedy.

 

anyways thats my two cents.

 

TL;DR-- i believe in smacking a kid in the sake for discipline, when we have to.

Edited February 5, 2012 by deadpnk

[deadpnk]

now in Alexandra's case, that's just plain disrespectful, rash, imprudent and almost inconsiderate of her mental stability in her future;

 

i'm sorry alex for what you've been through, and i'm glad that u haven't killed anyone in a massacre (or lost it) because that kind of background is common to people who snap and lose their minds :/

 

and by the way i'm pretty sure your dad regrets it at times and at times he doesn't, because he thinks that he did right, and in that case he believed in that for the sake of love, and nurture. but he would feel ambivalent. like chuck said as long as u have a good relationship now, and just let bygones be bygones.

 

but it didnt have to turn out that way...

Edited February 5, 2012 by deadpnk

[Wifestein]

now in Alexandra's case, that's just plain disrespectful, rash, imprudent and almost inconsiderate of her mental stability in her future;

 

i'm sorry alex for what you've been through, and i'm glad that u haven't killed anyone in a massacre (or lost it) because that kind of background is common to people who snap and lose their minds :/

 

and by the way i'm pretty sure your dad regrets it at times and at times he doesn't, because he thinks that he did right, and in that case he believed in that for the sake of love, and nurture. but he would feel ambivalent. like chuck said as long as u have a good relationship now, and just let bygones be bygones.

 

but it didnt have to turn out that way...

 

There's been worse things, but I'm not going to tell my whole life story on this forum lol

 

Atleast because of all the stuff that happened the past few years made me grow up fast, maybe it doesn't seem like that by some of my posts on here but ohwell.

In real life I'm always nice to everyone, even if I don't like the person. I don't fight or tease people anymore, I used to do that a lot :/

I have a lot of anger inside of me, but I just always act happy :]

[Kladkakan]

There's been worse things, but I'm not going to tell my whole life story on this forum lol

 

Atleast because of all the stuff that happened the past few years made me grow up fast, maybe it doesn't seem like that by some of my posts on here but ohwell.

In real life I'm always nice to everyone, even if I don't like the person. I don't fight or tease people anymore, I used to do that a lot :/

I have a lot of anger inside of me, but I just always act happy :]

 

So to make a long story short, inside you is a mass murderer? I know the feeling to have a lot of angers inside, i even play contact sports to make sure the anger comes out but it never seems to happen. It always happens in class... Well that was completely off topic, a physical adjustment is allowed but beating the living crap out of your kid is not allowed! I'm against abuse

[Wifestein]

So to make a long story short, inside you is a mass murderer?

 

Exactly!

[Coolsanders]

I say beat the sucker up depending on what they did, they just do something like say, "you mad bro" ....well then no...but if they hit you or cuss you out, then i say teach the kid to respect their elders and smack em.