Joke of the day

[captnconcrete]

2 muffins in a muffin tin one turns to other says wow its hot in here other turns back says holyshit its a talkin muffin.

[JohnnyColorado]

On 2/27/2019 at 1:21 PM, Kooki said:

What English word has three consecutive double letters?

bOOKKEEper

[Vindstot]

On 3/4/2019 at 4:36 PM, Kooki said:

What is the significance of the following: The year is 1978, thirty-four minutes past noon on May 6th

12345678

 

On 3/5/2019 at 3:26 PM, Kooki said:

How much dirt would be in a hole 6 feet deep and 6 feet wide that has been dug with a square edged shovel?

A hole is "empty"

 

10 hours ago, Kooki said:

A boat has a ladder that has six rungs, each rung is one foot apart. The bottom rung is one foot from the water. The tide rises at 12 inches every 15 minutes. High tide peaks in one hour. When the tide is at it's highest, how many rungs are under water?

None

 

 

What has hands, but is not flesh, blood or bone?

[Kooki]

Hart warming Lawyer story:

One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass. Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.

He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass?"

"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We have to eat grass."

"Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you," the lawyer said.

"But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there eating grass under that tree."

"Bring them along," the lawyer replied.

Turning to the second poor man he stated, "You may come with us, also."

The other man, in a pitiful voice, then said, "But sir, I also have a wife and six children with me!"

"Bring them all as well," the lawyer answered.

They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine.

Once underway, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."

The lawyer replied, "Glad to do it. You'll really love my place.  The grass is almost a foot high."

Come on . . . did you really think there was such a thing as a heartwarming lawyer story?

Look at Congress -- over 300 Lawyers!

[Kooki]

  Aman dies and goes to Heaven. He gets to meet GOD and asks GOD if he can ask him a few questions. 
       
      "Sure," GOD says, "Go right ahead". 
       
      "OK," the man says. "Why did you make women so pretty?" 
       
      GOD says, "So you would like them." 
       
      "OK," the guy says. "But how come you made them so beautiful?" 
       
      "So you would LOVE them", GOD replies. 
       
      The man ponders a moment and then asks, "But why did you make them such airheads?" 
       
      GOD says, "So they would love you!"

[Snuffs99]

19 hours ago, Vindstot said:

 

What has hands, but is not flesh, blood or bone?

A clock

[Vindstot]

2 hours ago, Kooki said:

two men along the roadside eating grass

Actually if you eat lots of grass, your teeth will go bad, as there is Silica Phytoliths in grass which damages your teeth. You also cant really digest grass, since you are not a cow. So dont snack on it

 

 

[Kooki]

Guy: Can I buy you a drink?

Girl: Sorry, but alcohol is bad for my legs.

Guy: Do they swell?

Girl: No. They spread.

[Kooki]

My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

[Kooki]

 Despite courts telling her that she couldn't come onto private property to host her fracking (Perhaps there is a similar word that could be used here.) protest, Oscar-winning actress Emma Thompson obviously thought she was above the law, given her celebrity status. 

Defiantly entering a local farm along with her sister Sophie and a small group of other protesters, the two spoiled brats then set up their bake sale where they displayed energy-themed cakes as part of a Greenpeace-backed protest stunt. 

But the farmer who owned the land wasn't having it. And shortly after witnessing the trespassers, he cranked up his tractor, firing up the manure sprayer that was hooked to the back of it.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch? v=ZIjO0Kp_lXU

[Kooki]

What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? 

[Kooki]

When Nasa first began sending astronauts into space, they were confronted by a small problem. Their standard ballpoint pens would not work in space. They spent a decade and twelve million dollars designing a pen that would work below three hundred degrees, in space, and on glass. 
Russia used a pencil.

[Kooki]

THIS IS ABOUT AMERICAN AS IT CAN GET

 

 

https://www.facebook.com/LibertySafe/videos/317333855578027?sfns=mo

[Kooki]

There is a dead man in the middle of a field, nothing is around him and there are no footprints of any sort. There is an unopened package next to him. How did he die? HINT: As he approached the field he knew he was going to die.

[Kooki]

Q: What do you call cheese that's not yours?