Joke of the day

[Kooki]

Whenever you feel sad... 

It helps to picture that somewhere in this world, there’s a fool pulling on a door that says “PUSH”! 

[Kooki]

Bob - "Have you heard about Murphy's Law?" 

Tom - "Yes, anything that can go wrong will go wrong." 

Bob - "Cole's Law? 

Tom - "It's Julienne Cabbage in a Creamy Dressing."

Edited February 20, 2019 by Kooki

[Kooki]

Whenever asked, "How are you doing?".... 

the gentleman, who was born in 1947, responds, "Pretty darn good, considering 72 years ago I couldn't walk."

[Neuro]

wat?

[Kooki]

A woman and a baby were in the doctor’s examining room waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby’s first exam.

Finally, the doctor arrived, examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.

“Breast-fed,” she replied.

“Well! We’ll have to check you out. Alright then, strip down to your waist,” the doctor ordered.

She undressed and the doctor began his exam.

He pinched her nipples, then pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a detailed examination. He frowned, then continued squeezing and pressing for a few more minutes.

Motioning to her to get dressed, he said,

“No wonder this baby is underweight – you don’t have any milk!”

“I know,” she said. “I’m his Grandma, but I’m certainly glad I came.”

[Kooki]

Hey folks coleslaw is chopped cabbage with mayo in it.  Staple in the south.

[Kooki]

The man passed out in a dead faint as he came out of his front door onto the porch.  Someone dialed 911. When the paramedics arrived, they helped him regain consciousness and asked if he knew what caused him to faint.

"It was enough to make anybody faint," he said.

"My son asked me for the keys to the garage, and instead of driving the car out, he came out with the lawn mower."

[Kooki]

My new friend has a very Irish name... 

O'Really?

[Kooki]

I speak without a mouth and hear without ears. I have no body, but I come alive with wind. What am I? 

 

 

 

 

 

 

An Echo

Edited February 23, 2019 by Kooki

[Kooki]

You measure my life in hours and I serve you by expiring. I’m quick when I’m thin and slow when I’m fat. The wind is my enemy.

What am i ?

[Kooki]

What is seen in the middle of March and April that can’t be seen at the beginning or end of either month?

[Neuro]

Lemme ask my pirate friend

[CheepHeep]

Joke of the year: My life... ;(

[Vindstot]

 

42 minutes ago, Kooki said:

What is seen in the middle of March and April that can’t be seen at the beginning or end of either month?

 

R

[Kooki]

I come from a mine and get surrounded by wood always. Everyone uses me. What am I?