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The Smoke

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The Smoke

Member Since 25 Nov 2012
OFFLINE Last Active Yesterday, 10:10 AM

#763372 15 Biggest Lies

Posted by The Smoke on 21 May 2017 - 08:00 PM

One sense she forgot to mention, direction.  The sense of direction is huge. Most men are born without it though.

You only use 100% of your brain power when watching excellent porn on the web.


Lie # 16.  I will respect you in the morning.  Honest.

#762937 I hate this....god how I hate these people

Posted by The Smoke on 19 May 2017 - 11:40 AM

1.  You are in a store, shopping, and here she comes out of a corner aisle , with her buggy, and plows into everybody.  Why?


Because she is looking back into the aisle she is leaving and still pushing that damn buggy forward into the busy aisle.


2.  In a store, busy day, and here is a group of people who decide that right in the middle of the busy aisle, they are going to have

a meeting.  And they see all the trouble they are causing, but still are so stupid that they cant take this to another aisle.


3. Everybody is going one way down this aisle, and of course, here comes stupid, going the wrong way.  And then stops to gawk at

a display in the middle of the aisle.  Why can't we have open season on these people?


4. Sitting in the parking lot, waiting for wife, when a car pulls in front of me and parks in a handicapped place.  Three young women

get out of car, and laugh and walk into the store.  A few minutes later, here is a wheelchair van looking for a place to park.  You guessed it.

Those girls are in a wheelchair only space.  So I call the Police and talk to them.  Within 10 minutes, here are the Police.  They check

the tags, and the display card.  Next thing I know...a tow truck is here and it hooks up and tows their car.  So my wife comes back and I tell

her we have to wait.  In about 30 minutes here come the girls. All talkative and kidding each other.  Then they see it.  Car is gone!!!

They are now in a tizzy and boy are they mad.  Then the police car pulls up.  The one girl runs to tell the cop that her car is stolen.  Then...

she gets the bad news.  What I could hear was this.  The parking tag was not hers.  It is not a Wheelchair tag.  And the ticket is going to

be...wait for it...................................$1500. 


Ah sweet justice.



#761711 Can someone please remove the Easter stuff.

Posted by The Smoke on 08 May 2017 - 02:34 PM

Thank you



God!  I have to do everything around here.

#761267 How stupid are you?

Posted by The Smoke on 06 May 2017 - 09:00 AM

On a scale of 1 to 2  how stupid are you?  Test your stupidity below.



You are standing on a train platform, concentrating on your cell phone. 


What do you do first?


1.  Step forward


2. Look up from your phone and see what is going on.

#760129 UPS battery causing beeping noise...replace battery...

Posted by The Smoke on 27 April 2017 - 01:55 PM

If you have ever had this happen, and it keeps telling you that you're battery cannot be recharged and you have to replace it, don't.


Here is an easy way to tell the UPS that you did replace the battery.


You will need to create a device that will drain the battery completely.  I use a 60W light bulb, but you can use any 12v device you want.

Remove the battery, then hook it up to your draining device.  I soldered two wires to a light bulb (+ and -) and connected them to the battery using

crimp on blade connectors. Then I left it overnight until the bulb died.

Then you hook it up to any 12v auto charger and put it on 6 amp charge.  Let that go until it says the battery is charged.  When you put the battery

back into the UPS unit, it will think it is a new battery.


I have done this 3 times to my UPS.  It works everytime.



#759791 How Smoke broke his foot...

Posted by The Smoke on 24 April 2017 - 02:46 PM

I was 13 years old and jumped out of a pickup, to go open a gate.  When I landed, I felt a really painful twinge in my right foot.  It hurt for a few weeks but went away.


When I turned about 50 years old, it came back.  I went to a doctor and he said to wear these insoles and it would keep the bone from sliding off the Tarsal bone.


**A little medical help here.  You have 3 sets of bones in your foot. Tarsal, metatarsal and phalanges. The Tarsals are the big bones by your ankle. The metatarsals

are the long bones that form your foot.  Phalanges are toes.


So what I did was to separate the 5th Metatarsal (the outside bone) from a Tarsal bone.  It never really healed but I could control when it slipped off the Tarsal.

Many years ago I was told to get it pinned.  Never did.


So, last Thursday I was mowing the yard, and stepped into a depression and twisted my foot outward.  This caused the Metatarsal to slide off of the Tarsal bone.

But, it also took a piece of the Tarsal bone off. So now there isnt that bone to keep the metatarsal from moving.


So I am wearing a special insert in my shoe to hold it together until I make an appt to see the doctor.


The good thing about all this, is my wife ordered me a new self-propelled walk behind mower.  (Which she told me to buy 2 years ago, before I hurt myself).



#758947 Porn is going to hell

Posted by The Smoke on 18 April 2017 - 08:08 AM

I looked up "big boobs" today, and got a panoramic picture of the members of the Senate and the House.


I looked up "Giant Dicks"  and there was Richard Nixon and "Rick" Cheney.


What's up with that?

#758937 Complaint about CheepHeep

Posted by The Smoke on 18 April 2017 - 07:08 AM

You gonna write a book 1 page long?

That's all you youngun's can handle.  Plus, I didnt have a lot of stuff to use as background for the book.

You are a dull person.  You need to act out more. Rebel !

#758895 Complaint about CheepHeep

Posted by The Smoke on 17 April 2017 - 08:11 PM

Enough of this BS!  I am working on a complete book about the failures of Cheep Heep.

It will be out soon.  But the bad thing is this.  It's a book and none of you dumbasses can read a book.

You have to read everything on your ipad or footpad or something. So this book will mean nothing to

you guys.  So I ain't gonna write it.  I will put it on Farcebook, twitchy, or some other lame ass site.

So when you have your device read it to you, I want you to know it was written using a thing called a

ballpoint pen. So, what the hell was I saying?

#754989 What a Rattlesnake bite looks like after 35 years....

Posted by The Smoke on 24 March 2017 - 10:46 AM

I was bit by a good sized Diamondback Rattlesnake in Cedarville, California in 1973, while walking through a field of clover hunting ground squirrels with a friend.


The first picture is kinda blurry but it shows where the fangs went into my leg. 


The second picture shows what has happened over the years from the poison damage to the nerves and blood vessels.  The camera doesn't pickup the discoloration

of the tissues.  Parts are a pale greenish black color and some parts are a brown color.  The big veins and swollen veins are from venom.  I have had those since I was

40.  Doctors have looked at them as if they were bad veins, but there is a distinct difference when they look inside.  Their is no plaque or wall breakdown.  I have to go

in to Portland to a vein thrombosis clinic and they siphon off the bad blood.  I go about every six months or so.  There is no problem with strokes or things, because the

blood is not coagulated, like deep vein thrombosis.  So I am okay from that.


A few days after the bite, my skin turned black and some of the tissues broke down and died.  With injections of anti-venin that area recovered after about 3 or 4 years.

Certain areas of my leg are numb all the time, interlaced with stinging pain every now and then.  The muscles aren't strong and give out pretty fast.  I can no longer climb

a ladder without hand rails, or stairways. But, I get around pretty good on solid surfaces, except concrete.  Going to big box stores kills me off.  I last about 45 minutes and

then I have to get off my legs for a while.


I thought you would just like to look at what happens after you get bit.


I had terrible dreams and nightmares for weeks afterwards. It was like a bad LSD trip.


snake bite.jpg


snake bite_2.jpg

#753720 Midsomer Murders

Posted by The Smoke on 16 March 2017 - 07:36 PM

You should try the female detective series that is from Australia in the 1920's.  Forget the name.  Great show.

There is also one from the BBC about a Detective in England during WWII.

#753578 Midsomer Murders

Posted by The Smoke on 15 March 2017 - 03:25 PM

Me too.  I even still liked MM when the new Barnaby came along.

#753535 I really miss Chameleon on the forums.

Posted by The Smoke on 15 March 2017 - 08:34 AM

He is busy with health issues and his Church band with his brother.  Here is the last picture I have of him.












It's hard to get a picture of him.


#753464 Hey all, how old r u?

Posted by The Smoke on 14 March 2017 - 06:21 PM

I am 66.

((Time is an illusion.))


No it's not.  Time is a b*** that brings back all the injuries you ever did to yourself, and puts them back onto your body.

#753165 Disappearing player

Posted by The Smoke on 12 March 2017 - 06:54 PM

Playing tonight and I saw this player just disappear right in front of me.  Then he reappears but farther away.


Then I see him stop and he is aiming at someone and I pull up to aim at him and poof  gone again.


So then we are across the road on the other side and I am hiding by a car and he is running and he is going to run

right in front of me, but he just disappears again.  I look down at the bottom of the screen, but no one died or committed suicide.


I saw this two more times.  I laid it off as a bad ping or connection, but his ping was good. 


Is there any script out there that can make a player do this?


Anyone else ever seen this?


...and no I am not smoking weed or sniffing drugs.


The next time I am on and this happens I will make a demo.