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Ol Smoke

My rant on toilet paper

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When I was a kid, we had an outhouse and a Sears catalog. You get through and you wipe yourself with a page of the Sears catalog.

Then in the late 50's I started noticing that toilet paper was kinda nice. But then in the 70's a company came out with an embossed flower

on their TP. All the women had to have the embossed because it looked so much better on the roller. It made no difference to us men.

Then all the TP companies had to have embossed and softer TP. Then one company came out with a new bigger roll of TP. Instead of

500 sheets it had 550, for the same price! Whew! All the women now bought the new, embossed, bigger rolls. Then they came out with

"Quilted" TP. More softer and prettier than ever and now it is 600 sheets of paper! Oh my god!!! This kept on going until the other day

we were at Costco and my wife asked me to get some TP. So I went over and grabbed a big, giant bag of probably 700 rolls of TP. The

thing wouldn't fit in the trunk of most cars. We get it home in the back of my truck and I used the forklift to unload it into the garage, where

I spent the next three hours putting it into the storage area. (I may be exaggerating a little)

 

So today, I go into the bathroom and there is just a sliver of the old TP on the roller. I look under the sink and there isn't any there. So I

go out to the storage area and grab a roll of this new stuff from Costco. I go into the bathroom and remove the old one and place the new

one on the roller and then WTF ! The roll is so big, I can't get it into the holder. So I press it into the space and lock the roller pin into place.

Now I can't turn the roll. So I have to take it back off the roll pin and spin off what I need and then replace it into the holder.

Yeah, this is a great idea, Costco!!! So I go in and tell the wife. She comes in a looks at the thing, and here is what she came up with....

 

I am to remove the TP holder from the wall. Patch the hole. Re-texture that area and paint it. Then buy another TP holder that just hangs

on the outside of the wall. Or, "We can buy one of those CUTE TP holders that stands next to the toilet". So I said, "Or we can just take

this crap back and get regular TP". That's when the fight started.

 

Now I am at Lowe's looking at TP holders and getting wall patch. Thanks a lot, Costco!

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I was laughing thru all of this!

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I can always count on you Lulu. My main man.

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Just sit the roll on the back of the toilet or window sill.. She will eventally get sick of seeing it there and trying to fit it on the TP holder, and will either a) install a bigger holder or b ) buy the smaller TP rolls

Win win for you ;)

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Who puts it on the roller anyway. It chills on the back of my crapper.

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Screw it just use a dish rag.

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And as always.......... She won! hahahaha

lol, isn't that how it always ends?

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We Indians mostly use water :lol2: and of course wash our hands thoroughly with soap(atleast I do). There is a joke from the famous Khushwant Singh joke book

 

"During the British Raj(British rule of India) an English Commander of an Army Cantonment in Madras(presently Chennai) joined a dinner hosted by Jawans(Ethnic Indian soldiers) to celebrate a local festival. The menu was typically Madrasi(hot spicy Indian food).

 

Next morning at breakfast he commented to his wife, "Today I have discovered why the Bloody Indians use water in the lavatory; Toilet paper could catch fire"

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"During the British Raj(British rule of India) an English Commander of an Army Cantonment in Madras(presently Chennai) joined a dinner hosted by Jawans(Ethnic Indian soldiers) to celebrate a local festival. The menu was typically Madrasi(hot spicy Indian food).

 

Next morning at breakfast he commented to his wife, "Today I have discovered why the Bloody Indians use water in the lavatory; Toilet paper could catch fire"

 

Hahahahaha!

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