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words of wisdom that may bring a smile


Phobia

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"I don't know half of you half as well as I should like, and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve."

thats deep and confusing....what exaclty does it mean?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Between two evils always pick the one you haven’t tried. — Mae West

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Always wear a good pair of sneakers.  You never know when you might have to make a run for it.

 

Be careful when dating women, you never know when you will meet your next ex-wife.

 

When thinking of marriage, look at the mother first.  If you think she looks okay, then go for it.

 

Never marry a woman who has to lose 20 pounds to get into a wedding dress.

 

Remember this about dating women.  If she eats like a bird and talks very little...she is probably the devil in disguise.

                                                             If she orders a burger...give her a second try.

                                                             But if she reaches over and eats your fries...say goodbye.

 

A woman who tells you she had an affair with a married man...will do it again.

 

If you find out that your girlfriend got wasted at a fraternity party...might want to rethink your decision.

 

If you don't like your fiancé's Maid of Honor...remember this...she met her before you and you will be gone before she is.

 

Never spend more than $300 for an engagement ring. 

 

Before getting married...spend time with someone you know who has a nagging b*** of a wife.

 

Next time,  leave your dirty underwear on the floor by the bed, for a week and see if it bothers you.  If it doesn't , you are a bachelor for life.

 

You know you are married when you are with your wife in the lingerie department and you are playing a game on your cell phone.

 

You know you are in trouble when your new girlfriend keeps suggesting a new haircut and some nicer clothes.  Just call yourself Mr. Playdoh.

 

Funny how life is isn't it?  Women who hand it out easily are called skanks but guys who bed every woman they date are called studs.

 

Don't kid yourself,  the H-bomb doesn't control the world.  The vagina does.    True dat!

 

Want to really mix things up?  Buy yourself a really good clown mask and drive around town in it,  in a rented van.

 

Want to impress women in a bar?   Learn to do a magic trick and juggle.  Works everytime.

                                                         Carry a pair of drumsticks in your back pocket.

                                                         Wear a three piece suit and order Chivas Regal....then just be patient.

 

Men think women are looking for the stud with the big one.  Women are actually looking for a slightly overweight man with a good job who likes her more than himself.

 

These words of wisdom are brought to you by 63 years of trial and error.

Edited by Ol' Smoke
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This one is my favorite:

To laugh often and much; To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; To earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; To appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition; To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded. 

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

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Oh, a good one I used for a speech in high school: 

"The journey of 1000 miles begins with a single step" -I don't remember, sorry 

^Imagine saying that to a group of people who are scared as heck about their future haha

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