Baska Posted June 13, 2010 Posted June 13, 2010 Why dicks suck Why it sucks being a ****! 10. You've got a hole in your head. 9. Your master strangles you all the time. 8. Your head is disproportionate to the rest of your body. 7. You shrink in cold water. 6. You never get a haircut. 5. You always hang around with 2 nuts. 4. Your closest neighbor is an a**h****. 3. Your best friend is a pussy. 2. Your scalp gets cut off if you're Jewish. And the number one reason why it sucks to be a ****: 1. Every time you get excited, you throw up. ############################### : An Ode To Oral Sex Penis breath, a lover's dread Is what you get when you give head Unpleasant as it tends to be Be grateful that he doesn't pee It's times like this, you wonder why you bothered reaching for his fly But it's too late, can't be a tease Accept the facts, get on your knees You know you've got a job to do So open wide and shove it through Lick the tip then take it all Don't drag your teeth or he might bawl Slide up and down, use your tongue And feel the precum start to run So when the f***'s he gonna cum Just, when you can't take anymore You hear your lover's mighty roar And when he hits that real high note You feel it oozing down your throat Salty, fishy, sticky, yuck!y stuff Okay, already that's enough Let's switch you say, before you gag And what's your revenge, your on the rag. ################################ The elephant asked the camel: "Why do you have your breasts on your back?" The camel clearly irritated by the outrage of modesty replies: "What a silly question from someone who has a **** on his face." ################################ A Man goes to a whore house. The Madam is out of women but, since the man is Polish she thinks she can get away with a blow up doll and he will never know the difference. The man comes out after being in the room for five minutes. "How was it?", says the Madam. "Not good at all," says the man, "I bit her nipple, she let out this huge fart and then flew out the window!" ################################# Question. Why don't Polish women use vibrators? Answer. It chips their teeth. ################################# Quote
Seaside Posted June 13, 2010 Posted June 13, 2010 hahahahahaha!!!! I love jokes! I want mooorreeeee Quote
DJ aka GDR DJ Posted June 13, 2010 Posted June 13, 2010 i have a joke: Australien win today against Germany : Quote
Baska Posted June 13, 2010 Author Posted June 13, 2010 I was meeting a friend in a bar, and as I went in, I noticed two pretty girls looking at me. "Nine," I heard one whisper as I passed. Feeling pleased with myself, I swaggered over to my buddy and told him a girl had just rated me a nine out of ten. "I don't want to ruin it for you," he said, "but when I walked in, they were speaking German." ################################## Q: How did the Germans conquer Poland so fast? A: They marched in backwards and the Polish thought they were leaving. ################################### Three guys, an Englishman, a Frenchman and a Welshman are out walking along the beach together one day. They come across a lantern and a genie pops out of it. "I will give you each one wish" says the genie. The Welshman says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Wales." With a blink of the genie's eye, 'FOOM' - the land in Wales was forever made fertile for farming. The Frenchman was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around France, so that no one can come into our precious country. Again, with a blink of the Genie's eye,'POOF' - there was a huge wall around France. The Englishman asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall. The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick and nothing can get in or out." The Englishman says, "Fill it up with water." #################################### The Complete Military History of France - Gallic Wars: Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian. - Hundred Years' War: Mostly lost, saved at last by female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare; "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman." - Italian Wars: Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians. - Wars of religion: France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots - Thirty Years War: France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her. - War of Devolution: Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux. - The Dutch War: Tied - War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War: Lost, but claimed as a tie. Three ties in a row induces deluded Frogophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French military power. - War of the Spanish Succession: Lost. The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every since. - American Revolution: In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare; "France only wins when America does most of the fighting." - French Revolution: Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French. - The Napoleonic Wars: Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer. - The Franco-Prussian War: Lost. Germany first plays the role of drunken Frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night. - World War I: Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States. Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline. - World War II: Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song. - War in Indochina: Lost. French forces plead sickness; take to bed with the Dien Bien Flu - Algerian Rebellion: Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare; "We can always beat the French." This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux. - War on Terrorism: France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. Attempts to surrender to Vietnamese ambassador fail after he takes refuge in a McDonald's. Let's face it. When it comes to war, France gets rolled more often than a Parisian prostitute with a visible mustache. They've been beaten so many times there's no fight left in them. The question for any country silly enough to count on the French should not be "Can we count on the French?", but rather "How long until France collapses?" But never fear - The French are always there when they need us! ########################################## An old maid wanted to travel by bus to the pet cemetery with the remains of her cat. As she boarded the bus, she whispered to the driver, "I have a dead pussy." The driver pointed to the woman in the seat behind him and said, "Sit with my wife. You two have alot in common." #################################### ###################################### Four gay guys walk into a gay bar and they find a problem. There's only one stool left. One guy says "Lets flip for it" But another says "No, Lets flip it over" ################################ A man named Vinny dies and goes to hell. The Devil says to him "Hey Vinny we've been waitin for ya!". Vinny smiles and walks with the Devil and the Devil says "I gotta ask you a couple questions, do you like to smoke?" Vinny answers "Ya, I love to smoke." The Devil says "Good you'll like Mondays we smoke everything cigarettes, cigars, weed everything." "Now do you like to drink?" Then Vinny says "Of course I love to drink." The Devil replies "Great we drink everything on Tuesdays you will fit in great." "Do you like to have sex?" Vinny says "Hell ya sex is the best." The Devil smiles and replies "We have sex with every type of woman you could think of on Wedesdays." And the Devil finally says "Now, are you gay?" Vinny frowns and answers "NO I'm not gay! And the Devil looks down and finishes "Your gonna hate Thursdays." Quote
CSL Posted June 13, 2010 Posted June 13, 2010 How do you get a one armed Pollack I mean Polish person out of a tree? You wave to him. -------------------------------- Poland used to have an Ice Hockey team. But they all drowned during spring training. ------------------------------- Cowboy walks into a bar and says "I'm so thirsty I could lick the sweat off a cows balls. Gay dude in the corner gets up and goes moooooooooooooooooooo --------------------------------- Whats the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral. One less drunk. --------------------- Why do they always have a pile of manure at Italian weddings? To keep the flies off the bride. --------------------- Why do Jews have big noses? Because air is free. ------------------------- I would make a joke bout Slovenia but there aint nothing funny bout that place. Quote
Guest R..pace! Posted June 13, 2010 Posted June 13, 2010 Why are guys who are nice, faithful, and caring hard to find? They already have boyfriends Quote
Turtle Posted June 13, 2010 Posted June 13, 2010 The following jokes show have nothing to do with my views on races rather they are just jokes ######################## Wahts the difference between a heard working black guy and Bigfoot? Bigfoots real!! If the a harron(bird) carries a baby waht kind of bird prevents a baby? A swallow!!! Why did john carry what a nose ring? Because Bush had **** chaney Quote
milli vanilli Posted June 13, 2010 Posted June 13, 2010 Two guys walk into a bar, the third ducks Quote
Antimony Posted June 13, 2010 Posted June 13, 2010 My turn: Minutes after a woman gave birth to her baby, her doctor stood solemnly at her bedside, and said, "I have something I must tell you about your baby." "What's wrong?" the alarmed mother asked. "Your baby is a hermaphrodite." "What's that?" "It means your baby has both male and female parts." "Oh my Goodness, that's wonderful!" the woman exclaimed. You mean it has a penis and a brain? That doesn't happen often!" ********************** Two Polish guys are discussing one's upcoming wedding. "I'm not sure if my future bride is a virgin or not." His buddy replies, "Oh, there's an easy test for that. All you need is some red paint, some blue paint and a shovel. You paint one ball red and one ball blue. On your honeymoon, if she laughs and says 'Those are the funniest balls I've ever seen!' you hit her with the shovel!" Quote
Baska Posted June 13, 2010 Author Posted June 13, 2010 Two Polish guys are discussing one's upcoming wedding. "I'm not sure if my future bride is a virgin or not." His buddy replies, "Oh, there's an easy test for that. All you need is some red paint, some blue paint and a shovel. You paint one ball red and one ball blue. On your honeymoon, if she laughs and says 'Those are the funniest balls I've ever seen!' you hit her with the shovel!" hahahahahahahaahahhaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahhahaahahahaha Quote
Butterz Posted June 14, 2010 Posted June 14, 2010 i have a joke: Australien win today against Germany : Shut up you. Quote
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