Rant #1: Games for Windows Live Marketplace
Once upon a time there was this boy named Onion.....and he punched a hole through his monitor and shat in his computer fan THE END !!!!
FACK YOU WINDOWS LIVE MARKETPLACE
I was completely naive like a stupid little onion looking for a 5 cent gumball. Ever since the beginning of December, Microsoft has been trying to relaunch "Games for Windows Live" by selling a new game everyday for 99 cents. Of course since moi is quite le cheap asssse (yes that is french. They always put an e at the end of everything for some crazy reason), I decided to buy "Blacklight Tango Down"
Wow what a bargain I thought. All I had to do was beat up that hobo across the street for some pocket change and I could buy a game (which I did. The hobo didn't survive unfortunately). Well fack was I wrong. So SO SOOOO WRONG.
First thing that happened was I had to setup a Games for Windows Live account. Okay no problem since I already had an account. Then I had to agree to some agreement. No problem. Then I put in my credit card info..etc and before I could buy, "You have to log in to your xbox live account to sign an agreement before you can buy the game."
WTFF ARE YOU JOKING ME !! What type of stupid bullshit is this !! Why the fack do I have to go to xbox live to sign an agreement if the game isn't even on xbox. It is on facking PC !! What happens if the individual doesn't have an xbox live account (lawl to my friend because he was like "what the holy hell....."). So wait I have to have 2 types of accounts, go to 2 different sites, agree to 2 sets of agreements and then go back to the marketplace site to pay in order to download the game. Alright lets calm down Onion.....lets punch some squirrels and chill .....okay so after going through all that bullshit, I finally purchaced Blackhawk Tangooo Downn (woopppdeedooo)
So I wait 2 hrs for it to download and install. I go into the game and first thing that happens....this windows live tab pops out blocking the screen with a stupid cheerful text "Welcomes to Windows Live you Clown f***er blah blah blah. Click Okay to see the features". So since there is no other option, I click okay, and then a stupid internet explorer pop up appears minimizing the game. I go back into the game and the mouse cursor turns invisible and it asks me to login. GODD son of a....
So I randomly click until it highlights the Windows live sign in bar and from there I just type up my info. Then it takes 2 mins just to login and get my profile !!! After that the facking thing patches for 8 mins and then after it is done patching it tells me "Sorry Patching has Failed. Missing files etc etc etc etc etc etc etc. Please uninstall the game. Hahaha pwned biatch."
Fack ye old sake how thy bullshit must I be triffling with !!! (Shakespeare language for "You stupid facking Windows live Marketplace")
So at the end of the day, I spent over 3-4 hrs and I still haven't played my 99 cent shitty ass game. Why the hell is it so difficult to buy a game. For facks sake it is easier to torrent this shit !!! Why is piracy increasing? It is because some jack ass invented *Games for Windows Live* that is why !!!!
I rather torrent every shitty game they sell than put up with this shit !! I rather eat rotten bananas and play Donkey Kong "monkey porn" edition. Ya that is how ape this is. HELL I rather buy a Mac to play games !!! (no I am joking. I am not that stupid yet).
Onion is still waiting to re-download Blackhawk Tango Down