86 Camaro Junkyard Adventure

[OnionKnight]

Here is a story about me and my crazy 86 Camaro.

 

PART 1: (Ya i know it is f***ing long. Shoot me later)

 

Ya I don't look like a camaro guy and neither did I covenant one at the time. To be honest my dream car was always a rx7 efini, but it was something so rare, so diaboloically impossible to find in LHD that I somehow got roped into buying something like this. Somehow in March, when it was -24 C me and my chevy nerd coworker went out to some farm in Beaumont to go look at some cars. We went to some "douchebags" garage, and somehow I came across this 1986 carberated camaro. 305 and a 700r4 transmission....he says he can't get the car to run properly, gave it a horrible paint job with too much thinner, broke half the pieces in the dash trying to get to a leaking heater core, both seats were torn, no window seals so leaves and water were in the door which soaked and warped the vinyl door panels....

 

I honestly looked at this with disbelief at this pile of shit.

 

Thankfully my chevy nerd coworker happens to be an automotive mechanic. He looks at this thing, goes underneath the car and tells me "Holy shit it is rust free, not been bagged, needs a ton of work, BUT RUST FREE". I honestly told him "I don't know man. Smells like mice piss". So since he knows chevy's like the back of his hand, I tell him to negotiate a price, hand him the cash.

 

"How much you want for the car" - Luke

"$2500" - Douchebag

"$2000 ?" - Luke

"Sold" - Douchebag

"WTF" - Me

"Congrats you own a camaro" - Luke

 

So we take it back to the airport garage (where I work) and I find out Luke happens to be "MR CAMARO" and has enough parts to build 4 complete ones stashed in his shed. So he runs back home and gets me window seals so I don't have shit get inside when I park it in our yard. I start taking apart door panels ...etc

 

After 1 week, I literally spent everyday after work, tinkering with my car.

-changed the window seals

-put in a deck

-changed the hood and hatch gas cylinders,

-changed brake pads, rotors, calipers, brake lines,

-struts and the front springs .....(never again. The spring compressor wouldn't fit because of the location so we "welded together" a makeshift one. Holy shit sketchy as hell),

-Luke tuned up the carb with his voodoo magic

-changed a leaking rad and all heater hoses.

-and the broken steering column

 

Before I took off, I gave it a good wash. Looks better already

 

 

 

[OnionKnight]

Part 2:

 

I now know how much my life sucks when you got to change a heater core in this thing because it leaks like the titanic. I still regretted buying this. I f***ing kicked myself twice in my sleep that week.

 

First I am trying to figure out how the hell to even get to the heater core. I scour thirdgen, chevyforum for help, advice.......everyone was like "HOLY SHIT HAHA you suck". The advice I got was strip the center console, take out the shifter, remove the center cover, remove the dash pad, drop the steering column, TAKE THE DASH OUT, have fun, sucks-to-be-you.com.

 

This is what happened.

 

 

OH BOY. There goes the dash pad. Ooyah. Same with the center console.

 

 

this was 4 hrs into of trying not to break any 30 year old plastics, connectors ...... OH LOOK I CAN SEE THAT BASTARD THE HEATER BOX

 

 

You leaking bastard. It is heater cores like you who deserve to rot in hell !. God damn Chev engineers !! WHO DESIGNED THIS SHIT !

[OnionKnight]

Part 3:

 

SO after I got the heater core done (Thank god). I drove this beast around Northern Alberta for awhile until I got tired of filling up 2 litres of oil every week. Phoned up Chevy Nerd Luke.

 

"What is wrong?" - Luke

"UM...my awesome 305 is leaking from every hole, carb is shit, I f*** around all day if it rains even once...." - Me

"Just like your mom hahaha. *leaking from every hole*" - Luke

"f*** you ! Help me out chevy lover. Stop chubby chasing, I am regretting buying this POS" - Me

 

So Luke said he has a surprise for me, I go over to his house and WHALLA. He has a garage full of camaro parts. He has a crate next to him.

 

"Okay here is the deal. I will give you"

 

-350 TPI engine, with 110km with new seals, bearings and a hot cam

-a dash, with speedo, climate controls, and photocell with the INTERIOR car harness out of a 91 camaro.

-Here is the wiper motor, and windshield washer reservior with pump and a piece of a 90 camaro harness.

-HERE IS the light harness for the front and back from a 89. Here is cruse control vacuum control from a 89.

-here is the fog light (rare) harness and lights from a 86

-Here is the ECU from a cavailer which will work with your fuel injection.

-HERE IS your fuel pump, you will need your own fuel lines. And here is a the rear center light from a 87.

 

Give me $1500 and GOOD LUCK Making this all work...... - Luke

 

Good friend but he makes you work your ass off.....I literally strip the entire car, there is nothing left. Here is every electrical component from a 86 camaro.

 

 

I don't think many people know but third gen camaros are stupid when it comes to alterations..........no seriously. Every year there was something different electrically. From changing the pin layouts to the color coding of wires........I had 4 chilton manuals infront of me trying to make sense of this... Trying to make parts of an 86 camaro, work with a 87, 89, 90 and 91 parts........WTF. WHY IS EVERY YEAR DIFFERENT !!

 

......TRYING TO MAKE SENSE OF THE MADNESS.......WHO BUILT THIS SHIT......WHY DO THEY CHANGE UP THE HARNESS EVERY COUPLE YEARS. CHEVY ENGINEER I SHIT ON YOU !!!

Edited February 24, 2016 by OnionKnight

[OnionKnight]

Part 4:

 

It has been 2 months. f***ING PAINFUL. I managed to make everything make sense.......I DREW a 2 m long diagram of a CHEVY CRAZY SCHEMATIC that made my 86 steering column wiring work with a 87, 89, 90 and 91 electrical harnesses and components. It would be great if everything was in perfect shape but it was gutted, broken connectors, and I had to use different connectors from different harnesses to make things work....my god.

 

 

ANYWAYS just so everyone knows. Apparently a 91 dash isn't compatible in an 86. NO FIT. NO COMPRENDA !

 

I know what you are thinking right now "Sounds like a your problem Onion". BUT NO NOT MY PROBLEM. f*** YOU AGAIN CHEVY ENGINEER !! IS THIS REVENGE FOR BANGING YOUR WIFE ! I BET IT IS

 

 

So I did what any logical, sane, brilliant german, polish, asian clone would do. I CHOPPED EVERYTHING UP !!! f*** that dash mount, f*** that support. Get out a beer, get out the mig, get some iron, GET DA TORCH and start working. I worked...for 12 hrs.

 

I RATHER RUN A REALITY TV SHOW CALLED  "SLUMLORD MILLIONAIRE" about a trailer park douche collecting rent from tenants who live in broken buses in his junkyard.

"Please sir give me another week to pay you the $40"  - Pedro

"Time is up PEDRO !! YOUR CHILDREN BELONG TO ME !!!" - Slumlord

"Actually I am okay with that. YOU TOUCHED THEM LAST. IT IS ALL YOURS NOW !!" *runs away* - Pedro

"f***ing.....well f*** i got to feed these things now? That isn't how it is suppose to work out" - Slumlord

 

No wait what was I talking about? THE DASH. I DID IT. WITH HARD WORK and BEER I DID THE IMPOSSIBLE. I get people on third gen wondering "HOW is this possibleeee" and "teach me how to do this". THERE IS NO LEARNING. JUST welding....trying to fit it....getting the wrong length for the mounting brackets and try again. I WELDED BRACKETS 7 TIMES BEFORE I GOT IT.... BUT I DID IT !! f*** YOUR HAT PEDRO !!!

 

 

Just proof that enough anger, beer and piss and anything is possible.

Edited February 24, 2016 by OnionKnight

[OnionKnight]

Part 5:

 

So the worst is behind me I hope.......Well I was wrong. NEVER SAY THAT. STUPID ONION DON"T DO IT !! But I did.

 

 

 

OLD PIECE OF SHIT 305 GO AWAY !!! I MELT YOU DOWN TO MAKE A STOOL !!! SELL YOU ON THE STREET FOR BLOW !! I DON"T CARE !! OUT OF MY LIFE !!!

 

 

WAY BETTER ! f*** THAT CARB !! FUEL INJECTION IS THE BEST INVENTION EVER !! YOU OLD FOLKS CAN SAY WHAT YOU WANT ABOUT CARBS BUT JOKES ON YOU.....IN 20 YEARS YOUR ALL DEAD !!! I STILL BE LAUGHIN....until the hard part came...........

 

THE FUEL LINES.....Ya you laugh but sit down and listen while I slap your face with two loafs of bread.....you cheeky facker !

 

So I went to this place on the outskirts of Edmonton called "Bucks Auto". They need to rename that place F-ucks auto for good reason. I bring my backup buddy LUKE to help me locate a camaro. He actually spotted a v6 fuel injected camaro and tells me the fuel lines are interchangeable. WOOHOO for onion right? Wrong *kick in the groan*. WE get a loader to lift it up on a box frame with 2 and a half wheels supported while the thing tetters back and forth in the air...........OH BOY GUESS WHO MIGHT DIE TODAY...THIS GUY !!!

 

f*** MY SHITTY f***ING ASIAN LIFE f***. We found 2 by 4's to make a stand on one side to prevent it from tettering and made a wall of tires on the other to help support the FRONT END. Sketchiest thing in my life. I was under there trying to take off the fuel line that spans the length of the car as shit pours down on your face and the mud sinks in below you. Luke was ONTOP of the suspended camaro trying to get the fuel line brackets off in the engine bay and everytime he moved the f***ing car swayed. SHORT END OF THE STICK. ASIAN GUY GETS TURNED INTO PANCAKE. NO MORE CHINESE FOOD FOR YOU !!!

 

Half an hour later we get the fuel lines...we got it. DONE. I had it. SCREW THIS. I get back home.....I fall asleep and I get a call from someone that they might have a posi for sale. I go check it out the next day.......

[OnionKnight]

Part 6:

 

OH YA POSI !!! BURN OUTS !! THE DREAM.........until you got to work on it. I picked up some parts from some people on kijiji. Magnaflow exhaust, flowtech headers, founders performance torque arm set and I got a bunch of asthetics from LUKE like 87+ taillights, smooth hatchglass (only 86 had the horrible bulging stop light)....etc

 

Now to get the old crap out of my car !!!

 

 

I took the exhaust off, diff out, fuel tank gone, old fuel pump in the dumpster, fuel lines out, driveshaft off, TRANSMISSION OUT (bought a new one because the transmission pan was pure black.....not good). Since I had everything removed, I gave the fuel lines and the fuel tank a new paint job before installing

 

 

Before I put everything back on, I gave the entire underside a coat of undercoat and started working on cosmetics in the car. Started doing some little things here and there before I had to put the fuel tank, tranny, diff and setup everything else up from the kickdown cable to plugging in the harness into the engine.

 

 

COOL TIP though. If you guys have a headliner or door panel cloth that is falling off, buy 3M Adhesive spray. Strip back the fallen cloth, scrub it with a scotchbrite pad to scuff it up, then spray the 3M adhesive and let it sit for 5 mints flat. It will stick.........and IT WILL NEVER COME OFF. I am not joking....DON"T GET IT ON YOUR FINGERS OH LORD

[OnionKnight]

FINALE !!!!

 

OH YA I GOT EVERYTHING TOGETHER. THE WORLD IS GOOD, THE AIR SMELLS FRESH, YOYO IS WATCHING PORN ACROSS THE GLOBE, CIRCLE OF LIFE !!! Turn the key and fack...FACKK....What da FACKK !!! SECURITY !! WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN. WAIT A SECOND. 91 HARNESS !! IT HAS VATS....NO...NOOOO

 

Incase you didn't know VATS stands for Vehicle Antitheft Systems. The way it works is that back in 1986 camaro days, you can steal the car by smashing the steering column on the right side and pull the start linkage with your hand and drive away. No seriously I could steal it with my eyes closed. The only easier thing to steal is a 2002-2005 Ford F350. Hammer the screwdriver in the ignition, turn the f***er and drive like you stole it. Think I am lying? Go steal one. I guarantee it works.

 

In the VATS system they encorporate a circuit in your key and use a resistor. So essentially your key is a glorified resistor and when you turn it on, voltage passes through it and if the ECU detects the correct voltage in a range, it will let the fuel injection system to squirt so you could drive away. NOTHING SPECIAL RIGHT? WRONG U f***ER !!!

 

So I CALL MY CHEVY FRIENDS FOR LIFE LUKE !!!

 

"Hey.....um how do you get past VATS" - me

"On the back of the dash I wrote down the resistance.....you wouldn't happen to have written it down....." - Luke

"WAIT WHAT !! ON THE DASH. ON THE....I JUST TOOK THE WHOLE CAR APART...NO..NOT AGAIN....OH NO......f*** THAT !!... f*** DA POLICE !!! I AM GOING TO KEEL U !!! U HOBO SUCKING CLOWN f***ER !!!" - me

 

Magically the god of dumbassary calmed me down, me and Luke did some magic....inspection camera magic.....I pulled the dash out a bit, he snaked the camera........it took us 2 hrs BUT WE GOT IT. 2.86 ohms motherfacker !!!!!

Went to Chev, got the proper VATS KEY, and the result was this.

 

 

Ending Note:

 

For once I actually liked this car. THIS CAR. THE CAR WHICH I DIDN"T CARE FOR at first..........I was always import this and import that. BUT NO....this car changed me. It taught me how much shit you go through......to get your car just right.

If I have to list what I have done to the car, there isn't one stone unturned. Everything was overhauled. ALL THE SUSPENSION, ALL THE BRAKES, ALL STRUTS, ALL SHOCKS, ALL SPRINGS, ALL BRAKE LINES, FUEL LINES, ENGINE, TRANSMISSION, DIFFERENTIAL, INTERIOR, STEERING, CROSSMEMBER, TORQUE ARMS, THE SHIFTER, HEADERS, EXHAUST, DASH, ELECTRICAL, LIGHTS.........I could go on.....

 

I still have a special place in hell for the f***ers at chevy, but I honestly I love my car now. It is really one of a kinda. It works great, which is rare. Cruise works, AC works, Radio works, all lights, it starts in -20 C, it can hit a pothole and I don't even feel it.....it is amazing. That is what working on a car does to you. You become attached. I can't even bare to sell it now. I know how much money has been wasted into this and I already know how much more I will waste overtime, but it doesn't matter. It is a hobby, something you love and something you want to keep for as long as you can.

 

And it makes you feel good. I work as a Heavy Equipment Mechanic by trade. But the work isn't as rewarding because with mass production we have all become glorified parts changers. But that gratification from something you built, something that is YOURS is wonderful. This isn't like dropping the engine in a loader with a crane, hooking up the harness, ecu, coolant lines, air to air, exhaust ...etc. A project car is literally taking something and building it yourself. Making things work that shouldn't work because you really have no choice when parts are scarce and you live somewhere remote, you need to go to the extreme to get it. It feels great, you meet people online and in real life who want to know how you did it or require assistance on what to do. Heck you even do shady things, shady fixes and learn from your mistake. Give it a go, try a project car, spend some money.....you won't regret it. At least try it once in your life

Edited February 24, 2016 by OnionKnight

[audrey]

I love how you rage throughout the posts, so funny.

And your car is a beauty, was worth it wasn't it

[Raskin]

Well job well done.onion...f me i would never have lived thru that..guess i'm lucky cars were simple back when..68 40 hp vw bug.my lil mudder. 72' chevy pickup,68' nova....79' camaro..last year no computer for that one only electronic module hei coil.which to it's credit beats old points hands down..this new tech shit baffles me..good job..i'm beat just reading your post hahaha

[OnionKnight]

I love how you rage throughout the posts, so funny.

And your car is a beauty, was worth it wasn't it

 

Oh it was worth it. It is just a machine so I can swear at it and hit it with a hammer if I get mad XD. When I go off it can seem like I went off the deep end somedays .

 

Well job well done.onion...f me i would never have lived thru that..guess i'm lucky cars were simple back when..68 40 hp vw bug.my lil mudder. 72' chevy pickup,68' nova....79' camaro..last year no computer for that one only electronic module hei coil.which to it's credit beats old points hands down..this new tech shit baffles me..good job..i'm beat just reading your post hahaha

 

Haha it is sad that all those cars and their parts are pretty valuable now. At one time it was "scrap iron" and "useless". Trust me electrionics baffles me too especially if you don't have a reader nowadays.......in the past it actually use to be "relay everything", now things like modern buses and new firetrucks use transistors in circuit boards to control a lot of it. I use to just swap relays to test circuits a lot of times. Now you can't. You need a module/ecu/tcu on hand......swap the whole thing and if that isn't it find a Y-connector node that maybe corroded or shorted. At least there is somewhat less wiring involved without those relays now

 

But interesting fact that in automotive the difference between a carb dash and a multiplexed fuel injected dash was 50 lbs of wiring..........it was heavy.

[RedBaird]

You can call the result "El Magnifico" or "the Red Bomb"!  

 

Your heater core troubles reminded me of my Mom's '93 Taurus that Firestone charged eight hours of labor to replace. Ow!  Then when it began leaking again, they had to spend another eight hours of free labor to replace it and install a grounding wire.  The car was only about seven years old then.  

 

How about "el Dragón Rojo"?  

 

 

[OnionKnight]

You can call the result "El Magnifico" or "the Red Bomb"!  

 

Your heater core troubles reminded me of my Mom's '93 Taurus that Firestone charged eight hours of labor to replace. Ow!  Then when it began leaking again, they had to spend another eight hours of free labor to replace it and install a grounding wire.  The car was only about seven years old then.  

 

How about "el Dragón Rojo"?  

 

I feel bad for the poor sucker who had to do that heater core. Usually they aren't fun, real shitty to do. Early domestic cars were the real shits when it came to heater cores and the plastics were so brittle it usually ended up in shit breaking and a customer complaint about rattling. But the worst job I have ever seen was someone trying to do a 300zx water pump.....I was like "what are you doing ?" and he was like "removing the entire front clip....". omg...what hell. The joke was he bought some pos one from japan and 1 month later he was doing the same thing all over again and cracked the 20 year old front clip.....not fun

 

 

Can you find the water pump? Because I sure can't hahaha

[RedBaird]

 

 

 

Can you find the water pump? Because I sure can't hahaha

 

It's air-cooled, right?

[gibson66]

1) You have ungodly determination. 

2) You know why I've never had to fix the power-steering, power brakes, radio, heater, carburetor, cruise control, tachometer, or computer in my 66 mustang? Because they were never there. 

 

Stick to older muscle cars, man. They're dinosaurs but there's way fewer things to break. 

[docwarren]

"WAY BETTER ! f*** THAT CARB !! FUEL INJECTION IS THE BEST INVENTION EVER !! YOU OLD FOLKS CAN SAY WHAT YOU WANT ABOUT CARBS BUT JOKES ON YOU.....IN 20 YEARS YOUR ALL DEAD !!! I STILL BE LAUGHIN....until the hard part came..........."

 

I got 670HP out of a 396 stock core block. Do that with fuel injection and meet me on the 1/4 mile. My money is on my naturally aspirated engine.

 

I'm 45..... I. Got 50 years left.

Edited February 25, 2016 by docwarren