ajnl Posted June 7, 2015 Share Posted June 7, 2015 (edited) Quote dump: It's not who you are that holds you back, it's who you think you're not. Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings. The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives. Men are like parking spots, the good ones are taken and the free ones are handicapped. I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar. Girls are like phones. They love to be held and talked too but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected! It takes 46 muscles to frown but only 4 to flip 'em the bird. When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car. Behind every successful man is a surprised woman. -Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers. What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse.' Men are like bank accounts. Without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest. What you call dog with no legs? Don't matter what you call him, he ain't gonna come. Men, chocolate, and coffee are all better rich. "Life is not measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away." Procrastinate now, don't put it off. "Never think about the mistakes you made. Think about the mistakes you will make." I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize. Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. The sooner you fall behind the more time you'll have to catch up. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder." To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research. Don't drink and drive you might spill your beer If you can't fix it with duck tape, you haven't used enough Constipated People Don't Give A crap. Guys: No Shirt, No Service. Gals: No Shirt, No Charge Caution - Driver Legally Blonde. How Many Roads Must A Man Travel Down Before He Admits He is Lost? I'm going to live life or die trying They say the truth will set you free. But then why is it that every time I tell the truth I get sent to my room?. I tried sniffing coke once, but the ice cubes stuck in my nose Suburbia - where they cut down trees and name streets after them Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder Edited June 7, 2015 by ajnl 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phobia Posted June 7, 2015 Author Share Posted June 7, 2015 When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep — not screaming, like the passengers in his car. ~ Jack Handey 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LeftWingVixen Posted June 8, 2015 Share Posted June 8, 2015 Love loosely. Holding on too tight will cut off circulation. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tipsy Posted June 8, 2015 Share Posted June 8, 2015 (edited) Ajnl nice post , went through each one and I like most of them. few I like most are :- "Never think about the mistakes you made. Think about the mistakes you will make" Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm. and this one most A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. (kinda points finger at me) excellent post man. @vix ahh wish I knew and so does man other man most of us are born naive. Edited June 8, 2015 by yoyo 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedAngel Posted June 8, 2015 Share Posted June 8, 2015 Don't let the behaviour of others destroy your inner peace. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phobia Posted June 8, 2015 Author Share Posted June 8, 2015 When I was young I was told that anyone could be president. Now I’m beginning to believe it 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phobia Posted June 9, 2015 Author Share Posted June 9, 2015 When in doubt empty the magazine 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedAngel Posted June 10, 2015 Share Posted June 10, 2015 Common sense is a flower that doesn't grow in everyone's garden. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FireFist Posted June 10, 2015 Share Posted June 10, 2015 "Dogs bark and Caravan passes" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
United Blood Posted June 10, 2015 Share Posted June 10, 2015 People who think they know what they're doing are especially annoying to those of us who do. An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less until he knows absolutely everything about nothing. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phobia Posted June 10, 2015 Author Share Posted June 10, 2015 When in doubt, poke it with a stick 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedAngel Posted June 11, 2015 Share Posted June 11, 2015 When you want something you've never had, you have to do something you've never done. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tipsy Posted June 11, 2015 Share Posted June 11, 2015 (edited) An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less until he knows absolutely everything about nothing. Read like 5 times. @redangel Don't make me surprise you *wink *wink Edited June 11, 2015 by yoyo 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
10Tacle Posted June 11, 2015 Share Posted June 11, 2015 an apple a day keeps anyone away - if you throw it hard enough 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raskin Posted June 11, 2015 Share Posted June 11, 2015 To say is there more to life?.. is a question best answered by yourself 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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