words of wisdom that may bring a smile

[ajnl]

Quote dump:

 

 

 

 

It's not who you are that holds you back, it's who you think you're not.

 

Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.

 

The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.

 

It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.

 

Men are like parking spots, the good ones are taken and the free ones are handicapped.

 

I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.

 

Girls are like phones. They love to be held and talked too but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!

 

It takes 46 muscles to frown but only 4 to flip 'em the bird.

 

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

 

Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.

 

-Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers.

 

What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere?

'Hold my purse.'

 

Men are like bank accounts.

Without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest.

 

What you call dog with no legs?

Don't matter what you call him, he ain't gonna come.

 

Men, chocolate, and coffee are all better rich.

 

"Life is not measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."

 

Procrastinate now, don't put it off.

 

"Never think about the mistakes you made. Think about the mistakes you will make."

 

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

 

Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back.

 

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

 

The sooner you fall behind the more time you'll have to catch up.

 

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

 

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

 

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

 

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

 

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

 

My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."

 

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

 

Don't drink and drive you might spill your beer

 

If you can't fix it with duck tape, you haven't used enough

 

Constipated People Don't Give A crap.

 

Guys: No Shirt, No Service. Gals: No Shirt, No Charge

 

Caution - Driver Legally Blonde.

 

How Many Roads Must A Man Travel Down Before He Admits He is Lost?

 

I'm going to live life or die trying

 

They say the truth will set you free. But then why is it that every time I tell the truth I get sent to my room?.

 

I tried sniffing coke once, but the ice cubes stuck in my nose

 

Suburbia - where they cut down trees and name streets after them

 

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder

 

 

Edited June 7, 2015 by ajnl

[Phobia]

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep — not screaming, like the passengers in his car. ~ Jack Handey

[LeftWingVixen]

Love loosely. Holding on too tight will cut off circulation.

[tipsy]

Ajnl nice post , went through each one and I like most of them. few I like most are :-

 

"Never think about the mistakes you made. Think about the mistakes you will make"

 

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

 

and this one most

 

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. (kinda points finger at me)

 

excellent post man.

 

 

@vix ahh wish I knew and so does man other man most of us are born naive.

Edited June 8, 2015 by yoyo

[RedAngel]

Don't let the behaviour of others destroy your inner peace.

[Phobia]

When I was young I was told that anyone could be president. Now I’m beginning to believe it

[Phobia]

When in doubt empty the magazine

[RedAngel]

Common sense is a flower that doesn't grow in everyone's garden.

[FireFist]

"Dogs bark and Caravan passes"

[United Blood]

People who think they know what they're doing are especially annoying to those of us who do.

 

An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less until he knows absolutely everything about nothing.

[Phobia]

When in doubt, poke it with a stick

[RedAngel]

When you want something you've never had, you have to do something you've never done.

[tipsy]

An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less until he knows absolutely everything about nothing.

Read like 5 times.

 

@redangel Don't make me surprise you *wink *wink

Edited June 11, 2015 by yoyo

[10Tacle]

an apple a day keeps anyone away - if you throw it hard enough

[Raskin]

To say is there more to life?.. is a question best answered by yourself