Well I guess I coulda named this, "Why I Game" but, I didn't like the way that sounds..

You know, I have gamed my whole life, whether it was pc, console, handheld, or whatever, and one of the biggest reasons is, escapism. Now I know a lot of us do it for this reasons, and I know there are various other reason too. For me it is like getting lost in a great book, where you become the main character, and take on the quest or adventure that you are reading. It takes us out of our everyday mundane life.

I live everyday on what feels like borrowed time, with the heart attacks I have had, to the surgery I had to repair, and the surgery that is coming up soon to try and prolong my life, just a little while longer. Seems like in these times, games have become just a bit more important, and at the same time less important, yeah let me explain.

On the one hand, I love to get online with all you, and play, laugh, and immerse myself in an alternate reality, so to speak. If for only a few short hours of the day, I don't think about my heart giving out, or how much time I have left. I don't think about all the troubles of life, instead I am focused on the fun and I am having with you all, my friends. I can't tell you what that means to me..

On the other hand, all these medical issues make me think about how short life is, and how important it is to love the people around you, and enjoy them for who they are in real life. To see people face to face, to interact with them, and cherish them every moment of every day of your life. Looking death in the eye has a way of doing that to you. I just wish at a point early in my life I could have realized all of this, and made good on all the time I already had. Sadly I didn't..

I guess that is why, sometimes I literally get bumfuzzled when I see people on the servers getting so mad, calling names, fighting, and arguing. I realize some of you are very passionate about gaming, but seriously it is literally called a "Game". I understand being passionate, I have been a musician since I was about 3, and there is nothing in this world (Other than family of course) that I am more passionate about. I live, eat, and breathe it. I think if I couldn't be a part of it I would just go into some sort of depression, crawl into a large hole, and never come back out. Sure, there are genres I don't like, players I don't like, or think are super overrated, but it never brings me to cursing someone, or calling them names. Passion isn't being close minded or restricting yourself to one area of it. It is about embracing all aspects of the thing you love, learning from it, assimilating some of the other aspects, and incorporating those into your own, making them what works for you. If I had started out playing music, and only focusing on one genre, I would only be so good, and one dimensional...

I see gaming the same way. I see the guys camping, and laying low, sniping and picking me off 10 times in a row, but instead of getting all mad, it motivates me. I want to put a knife in their back, and it changes the way I play in an attempt to exact my revenge on them, and when you learn how to work around it, and you finally get that knife in there, it is such a gratifying experience. Or the times when a map starts, and the opposing team rushes, and you are stuck in the spawn while they all start walling and spawn camping. Yeah it can get frustrating, but more than anything, it motivates me also. It motivates me to get out any way I can. Again it changes every aspect of my gameplay, and causes me to take a course, or measure that I had never tried. Again once I finally get out and am able to get the spawns switched on them, and my team has the upper hand, it is, again, most gratifying.

Maybe it is my age that causes me to see things this way, maybe I have forgotten what it is like to be 20 years old, but I don't think I have. I think if anything, my passion to learn, to adapt, and overcome has gotten even greater.

I guess what I am saying is, don't take things so seriously, don't take yourself so seriously, don't take others so seriously. When something outside of real life can make me angrier, and more upset than real life already does, I don't need it. When the thing that helps me escape my real life problems becomes a problem of it's own, no thank you. It's just a game, no matter what you try to tell yourself, it is just a game..

Love you all,

Shane A.K.A. Ph0eniX

P.S. Ima still load up my tube on COD, so no matter how much whining, that wont change haha