Jump to content
Sign in to follow this  
  • entries
    4
  • comments
    46
  • views
    8603

About this blog

Just some thoughts

Entries in this blog

 

Karma (I do believe in it)

I guess most everyone here has figured out that I like to talk a lot, or at least type a lot, so here goes something I find not only interesting, but way more important than we really give credit to..   So I believe in general, that I am a pretty nice person, though flaws like, forgetfulness really can make me seem like a ****. Anyway, I was heading over to town yesterday, it was very nice, I had the windows down, had some of my favorite music playing, and of course, my gay pirate glasses on (but I totally rock them!). Anyway, some of you know where I live is a very wooded area, and there is wildlife everywhere. We have deer, elk, raccoon, bears, and well anyway you get the point. I was very much just enjoying being all out in it. So as I was coming around a sharp curve, just past a bridge, I saw something in the road. Now my eyesight isn't what it use to be, and with this stupid diabetes, it is getting even worse. Figuring it was more than likely a dead animal I didn't decide to slow down, but as I got right up on it, I realized it was a turtle.   I swerved to avoid it (And thankfully did), but as I traveled on, I began to feel bad for this little guy. He was making his way to the creek, and hadn't even made it across the first lane of traffic. Now granted where I live, there isn't a lot of traffic, but the spot he was in, is kind of a blind spot, and anything coming the other way may not have time to stop or to swerve to avoid him. Even with this knowledge, I was convincing myself that I didn't have time to stop to help him out, or that the danger of me stopping to help, outweighed his plight. So I briefly decided to go on.   Well, about 1/2 a mile down the road, I couldn't get the poor guy out of my mind, and what a task it must have been for him to make his way from the mountains to the creek just to get some water. So I found a wide spot on the very narrow road, and turned my car around. Oddly enough, on the not so traveled road, on my way back, there were cars behind me, and cars coming the other way, which made me only hope that he hadn't been squished yet.   As I approached the curve where I had last seen him, I could see in the distance, though not so well, that he was still sitting in the same spot. Which, to be honest gave me a bit of relief. For some reason at this point I felt like I had became responsible for him. I slowed my vehicle, easing the traffic behind to acclimate them for the stop I was going to make. There were no places to pull off the road where he was, so stopping in the road was my only option.   I came to a stop, clicked on the hazard lights, and stepped out of the car. While the hazard lights would work fine for the cars behind me, they wouldn't work so well for the ones coming towards me. So after I stepped out, I put both hands up, waving at the cars coming my way, to signal for them to stop, which worked, and I know by the time they stopped they had to be thinking, "What is this crazy person doing?". After they stopped, I got the turtle and walked him over to the creek, walked down the bank, and sat him down just beside of the water. I knew this was a bit much to go through over a turtle, but I just felt like it had to be done. I walked back up the creek bank, and to my surprise some of the cars beeped their horns, and either waved, or gave me a thumbs up, which actually made me feel good considering I was thinking they would be upset that I stopped traffic over a turtle.   I left from there feeling quite good about what I had done, and about the life I probably saved. Granted it wasn't a person, but a life is a life in my eyes. Skipping ahead, I ended up having one of the best days I have had in quite sometime. It seemed like things just went my way, and instead of just blowing off the turtle incident, I took time to realize that I was being repaid the kindness I had shown, and that in its self put a big smile on my face.   I said all that, to say this (for those of you still maybe reading hehe) imagine if we put a quarter of that effort into helping out fellow our fellow man/woman the great things life would bring back around out way. I think this goes for all aspects of our life, be it work, family, friends, here in our gaming community, basically in our everyday walk in life. I think if we could apply this to ourselves, and instead of thinking, what can we do for ourselves, and more of what can we do for others, it would be a life changing experience. It doesn't take a lot to be nice or to be helpful, and it seems more often than not, we put way more effort into being the exact opposite.   Anyway, just wanted to share that with you all, and I hope you have an awesome day!   Shane A.K.A. Chameleon

Chameleon

Chameleon

 

Who am I really?

Just wanted to say a few words, about things that were on my mind...   Who am I really? I'm a dad, a father, the most important thing I could ever imagine being! The most rewarding, life changing thing a person could ever be.. My daughter is the most important thing to me on this earth. Would I murder everyone on the planet to keep her safe and secure? Yes, no questions asked. It may be cliche to say, but from the first time I saw her in the hospital to this very day, I fell in love, and as time goes by I only love her more. Nothing on this planet will ever surpass how I feel about my child.   Sometimes I have been asked about my son, who died several years back. I didn't have him for very long, but the love I have for him is equal to that of my daughter. When I held him for the first time, I remember crying and my tears falling down on his face. It was just crying, it was sobbing. Nothing can ever come close to the love you have for your children, and if you don't feel the same about your child, you have issues and shouldn't even be allowed to have them.. R.I.P. Shane Lee Jr.   Who am I really? I am Shane, I live in eastern KY, I have worked in the music business for over 20 years. I play, I am involved in production, recording at a studio, I recently wrote a book and became a published author. These are the things I love to do, and I couldn't imagine my life going any other way.. Music is one of the loves of my life, there are very few things, that I love more.   Who am I really? I grew up poor, very poor.. I remember taking a bath in a metal tub on a porch, getting water from a well, using an outhouse, planting a garden, not because I was some hippie wanna be, or a hipster, but because if we didn't, who knew if we would eat during the winter. We had chickens, and pigs, and cows and all of that, not because we wanted to be wanna be hippie farmers, but because it was the only way to survive.   Who am I really? My dad was a pastor, and I hated it.. I hated church, church people, and everything that went with it, so needless to say, I was out of control. I stayed in trouble, did everything opposite of what I thought my parents would want.. I stole a truck once, I drank, I did drugs, anything that would piss them off. My brother was the good kid, good grades, never in trouble and all that. I fought at school or anywhere I could, every single day of my life. Not because people hated me, but because I hated people. Did I pick the fights? Almost 99% of the time, though I realize now I was just trying to find a way to release all the anger I had inside..   Who am I really? I am a dad, a friend, a person in this world just trying to get by. I'm a liar, but truthful. I am a fighter, but all I want is peace. I am full of rage, but just want to help people. I will fight at the drop of a hat, but I will be the best friend you could ever have.   Who am I really? I use to run head first at confrontation, but now I shy away, if at all possible. I avoid issues, but I try to fix them. When I don't know what to say or how to handle a situation, I pretend it doesn't exist. I have a hard time saying no, and will make excuses instead of saying so. I have a desire for people to like me so bad, that I will say or do almost anything to have their approval. In doing these things I often take on more than I can handle, which in the long run makes for a bad situation. I give more second chances than I should, and have gotten way more second chances than anyone should.   Who am I really? I am just a guy, who wants to be a part of something, who longs to be just who I am and nothing more.   Ph0eniX A.K.A. Shane

Chameleon

Chameleon

 

What's in a number?

Okay, I am not going to name names or anything like that, but I feel like I should address this issue.   Lately I have had a lot of people msg me in xfire and other methods, inquiring about forum/server levels.. Mostly in the race to recruit people and move up the FA ladder. So let me just say, if you are in this for just the levels, you are in this for the wrong reason. Why are you here if that is all you are worried about? this is a family, a community, our very purpose and goal is to keep the community alive and thriving, not to jump from level to level..   Some messages to me are upset because they have been here longer than me, or recruited more people than me, but their level is lower than mine. Well I got news for you, that isn't how it works. There are people here who have recruited less than me, or been here less time, but are higher admin than I am. What that means is, the co-leaders/leaders/founders have seen something in them that makes them think they have what it takes to be higher up on the ladder. Just because you have been here for a while, or that you have recruited more people, doesn't make you more qualified to be a higher admin.   This is about the community as a whole, not for your own personal gain.. If you are not here for everyone then maybe you don't belong, and you should look elsewhere for a clan. If you can't/wont think about the greater good of FA, then you don't belong. We are a family, we look after each other, and we hold praise for those of us who make new levels, and who are worthy to take new spots among the higher admins..   If power is what you want, go somewhere else, if community and friendship is what you want, then you have come to the right place.. We are a family, and as corny as it may sound, United we stand, divided we fall..

Chameleon

Chameleon

 

Escaping into a world of imagination...

Well I guess I coulda named this, "Why I Game" but, I didn't like the way that sounds..   You know, I have gamed my whole life, whether it was pc, console, handheld, or whatever, and one of the biggest reasons is, escapism. Now I know a lot of us do it for this reasons, and I know there are various other reason too. For me it is like getting lost in a great book, where you become the main character, and take on the quest or adventure that you are reading. It takes us out of our everyday mundane life.   I live everyday on what feels like borrowed time, with the heart attacks I have had, to the surgery I had to repair, and the surgery that is coming up soon to try and prolong my life, just a little while longer. Seems like in these times, games have become just a bit more important, and at the same time less important, yeah let me explain.   On the one hand, I love to get online with all you, and play, laugh, and immerse myself in an alternate reality, so to speak. If for only a few short hours of the day, I don't think about my heart giving out, or how much time I have left. I don't think about all the troubles of life, instead I am focused on the fun and I am having with you all, my friends. I can't tell you what that means to me..   On the other hand, all these medical issues make me think about how short life is, and how important it is to love the people around you, and enjoy them for who they are in real life. To see people face to face, to interact with them, and cherish them every moment of every day of your life. Looking death in the eye has a way of doing that to you. I just wish at a point early in my life I could have realized all of this, and made good on all the time I already had. Sadly I didn't..   I guess that is why, sometimes I literally get bumfuzzled when I see people on the servers getting so mad, calling names, fighting, and arguing. I realize some of you are very passionate about gaming, but seriously it is literally called a "Game". I understand being passionate, I have been a musician since I was about 3, and there is nothing in this world (Other than family of course) that I am more passionate about. I live, eat, and breathe it. I think if I couldn't be a part of it I would just go into some sort of depression, crawl into a large hole, and never come back out. Sure, there are genres I don't like, players I don't like, or think are super overrated, but it never brings me to cursing someone, or calling them names. Passion isn't being close minded or restricting yourself to one area of it. It is about embracing all aspects of the thing you love, learning from it, assimilating some of the other aspects, and incorporating those into your own, making them what works for you. If I had started out playing music, and only focusing on one genre, I would only be so good, and one dimensional...   I see gaming the same way. I see the guys camping, and laying low, sniping and picking me off 10 times in a row, but instead of getting all mad, it motivates me. I want to put a knife in their back, and it changes the way I play in an attempt to exact my revenge on them, and when you learn how to work around it, and you finally get that knife in there, it is such a gratifying experience. Or the times when a map starts, and the opposing team rushes, and you are stuck in the spawn while they all start walling and spawn camping. Yeah it can get frustrating, but more than anything, it motivates me also. It motivates me to get out any way I can. Again it changes every aspect of my gameplay, and causes me to take a course, or measure that I had never tried. Again once I finally get out and am able to get the spawns switched on them, and my team has the upper hand, it is, again, most gratifying.   Maybe it is my age that causes me to see things this way, maybe I have forgotten what it is like to be 20 years old, but I don't think I have. I think if anything, my passion to learn, to adapt, and overcome has gotten even greater.   I guess what I am saying is, don't take things so seriously, don't take yourself so seriously, don't take others so seriously. When something outside of real life can make me angrier, and more upset than real life already does, I don't need it. When the thing that helps me escape my real life problems becomes a problem of it's own, no thank you. It's just a game, no matter what you try to tell yourself, it is just a game..   Love you all, Shane A.K.A. Ph0eniX     P.S. Ima still load up my tube on COD, so no matter how much whining, that wont change haha

Chameleon

Chameleon

Sign in to follow this  
×

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use.