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Pvt. Parts



So, i dont know if anybody will read this but here i go. As i talked about in my previous blog, I used to be addicted to pain pills due to a long lasting injury that i got hooked on just from being on them for so long and eventually self medicating for my mood swings. But as of today, i am one year and one month clean and to me that is a HUGE milestone. Since i got clean, i took up working out to occupy my time and i have seen some tremendous gains. When i started working out I weighed a measly 138 pounds and standing 6 foot 1 inch tall. I put my whole self into working out and gained almost 30 pounds in three months which was great to me. It has changed my life for the better in ways i couldn't have even imagined and i cant see myself not exercising and taking health important. Not only have i grown physically but i also grown mentally that has made me a better person. As of right now i weigh 164 pounds and im trying to stay around there because i pole vault with 165 pound pole and i just feel good using that pole and if i gained more weight, moving me to a heavier pole, i feel i wouldnt do as well as i am right now (probably just a mental thing though). Another thing is before i started lifting was that girls never really paid much attention to me, i guess because of drugs and i was really skinny but now that i have some weight to me, they seem interested. Weird right? (lol) The strange thing is however, i feel like no woman is worth my time just because of my attitude towards life is drastically different than most people my age and they just wont work well with me. I have been talking to this girl for a while now that i feel has been worth my time and i can definitely see myself with this woman long term, but there is big problem with our situation. When we started talking, she just got out of a year long relationship a month before and she recently told me that she feels as if we jumped into things too quick, which we kinda did. Not only that but we are graduating next month and i will be going to a college thats about 3.5 hours away and she is staying home to attend a local college. We talked about everything and we decided its probably best to not start a relationship just to have it ruined by distance and not being able to see each other often. I said we could try to work it out but she just did not want to get in another relationship and have her feelings hurt in the end, which i completely understand but it just hurts so damn much. I felt like i found someone that can be there for me and support me through everything and vice verse but it just isnt working out how i would like it. I guess you can say that its depressing me a little and i've been in a funk since we decided that. As i mentioned before i am senior in high school and a graduation requirement is senior project which i have been finishing up in the past few months and it has been placing a huge amount of stress on me. Tomorrow however, I give my presentation on it, giving a 15 minute speech in front of panel of judges who basically decide my fate, which as you can imagine is placing a lot of stress on me but i will feel relieved after its all over. With all this stuff that is happening and things that are not going how i would like it really suck, I just gotta keep on moving forward. But hey, thats life.

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That is life man :D. You will look back and think to yourself "wow I was stupid to stress about that stuff".


I was the same way. Now that I am older I was like "meh. Don't know why I was so worried. Some things worked out and others didn't".


Also, (laugh all you want) but for some reason, when I gained 25 lbs, I had great luck with women than when I was a scrawny out of high school punk. No clue why and didn't make sense to me either. But I think the secret is that if you have a bit of "chub" in you, you see more "fun" lol.

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Ya I was addicted to sleeping pills, well I had several death situations in my familly so it started just like "one pill to make me sleep. It ended up with overdose and 7 days in coma. Well, it wasnt attempt of suicide just i was drunk as shit and i had 3 tabs of apaurin 10mg's. It's like 45 pills. I managed to swallow areound 16 before i passed out. It was in a bar and thank god it was closing time so bar owner found me in separre and called ambulance. I woked up 8 days later. Man, after that never ever took any pill only if it was really needed (pain pills). Now I drink from time to time valeriana herbal tea. It relaxes. I don't smoke weed and i drink maybe once in like 6 months. So I'm glad yoz're doing well. I know the feeling. Take care m8 wish ya all the best!

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