So, i dont know if anybody will read this but here i go. As i talked about in my previous blog, I used to be addicted to pain pills due to a long lasting injury that i got hooked on just from being on them for so long and eventually self medicating for my mood swings. But as of today, i am one year and one month clean and to me that is a HUGE milestone. Since i got clean, i took up working out to occupy my time and i have seen some tremendous gains. When i started working out I weighed a measly 138 pounds and standing 6 foot 1 inch tall. I put my whole self into working out and gained almost 30 pounds in three months which was great to me. It has changed my life for the better in ways i couldn't have even imagined and i cant see myself not exercising and taking health important. Not only have i grown physically but i also grown mentally that has made me a better person. As of right now i weigh 164 pounds and im trying to stay around there because i pole vault with 165 pound pole and i just feel good using that pole and if i gained more weight, moving me to a heavier pole, i feel i wouldnt do as well as i am right now (probably just a mental thing though). Another thing is before i started lifting was that girls never really paid much attention to me, i guess because of drugs and i was really skinny but now that i have some weight to me, they seem interested. Weird right? (lol) The strange thing is however, i feel like no woman is worth my time just because of my attitude towards life is drastically different than most people my age and they just wont work well with me. I have been talking to this girl for a while now that i feel has been worth my time and i can definitely see myself with this woman long term, but there is big problem with our situation. When we started talking, she just got out of a year long relationship a month before and she recently told me that she feels as if we jumped into things too quick, which we kinda did. Not only that but we are graduating next month and i will be going to a college thats about 3.5 hours away and she is staying home to attend a local college. We talked about everything and we decided its probably best to not start a relationship just to have it ruined by distance and not being able to see each other often. I said we could try to work it out but she just did not want to get in another relationship and have her feelings hurt in the end, which i completely understand but it just hurts so damn much. I felt like i found someone that can be there for me and support me through everything and vice verse but it just isnt working out how i would like it. I guess you can say that its depressing me a little and i've been in a funk since we decided that. As i mentioned before i am senior in high school and a graduation requirement is senior project which i have been finishing up in the past few months and it has been placing a huge amount of stress on me. Tomorrow however, I give my presentation on it, giving a 15 minute speech in front of panel of judges who basically decide my fate, which as you can imagine is placing a lot of stress on me but i will feel relieved after its all over. With all this stuff that is happening and things that are not going how i would like it really suck, I just gotta keep on moving forward. But hey, thats life.