Old folk jokes

[jim]

Q: Where can men over the age of 60 find younger women who are interested in them?

A: Try a bookstore under fiction.

 

Q: What can a man do while his wife is going through menopause?

A: Keep busy. If you're handy with tools, you can finish the basement. When you're done you'll have a place to live.

 

Q: How can you increase the heart rate of your 60-plus year old husband?

A: Tell him you're pregnant.

 

Q: How can you avoid that terrible curse of the elderly wrinkles?

A: Take off your glasses.

 

Q: Why should 60-plus year old people use valet parking?

A: Valets don't forget where they park your car.

 

Q: Is it common for 60-plus year olds to have problems with short term memory storage?

A: Storing memory is not a problem, Retrieving it is the problem.

 

Q: As people age, do they sleep more soundly?

A: Yes, but usually in the afternoon.

 

Q: Where should 60-plus year olds look for eye glasses?

A: On their foreheads.

 

Q: What is the most common remark made by 60-plus year olds when they enter antique stores?

A: "Gosh, I remember these!"

__________________

[icky?/]

They're funny cause they're true.

[*Dream*]

Q: Where can men over the age of 60 find younger women who are interested in them?

A: Try a bookstore under fiction.

 

Q: What can a man do while his wife is going through menopause?

A: Keep busy. If you're handy with tools, you can finish the basement. When you're done you'll have a place to live.

 

Q: How can you increase the heart rate of your 60-plus year old husband?

A: Tell him you're pregnant.

 

Q: How can you avoid that terrible curse of the elderly wrinkles?

A: Take off your glasses.

 

Q: Why should 60-plus year old people use valet parking?

A: Valets don't forget where they park your car.

 

Q: Is it common for 60-plus year olds to have problems with short term memory storage?

A: Storing memory is not a problem, Retrieving it is the problem.

 

Q: As people age, do they sleep more soundly?

A: Yes, but usually in the afternoon.

 

Q: Where should 60-plus year olds look for eye glasses?

A: On their foreheads.

 

Q: What is the most common remark made by 60-plus year olds when they enter antique stores?

A: "Gosh, I remember these!"

__________________

Speed Trap

 

A police officer pulled a guy over for speeding and had the following

exchange:

Officer: May I see your driver's license?

Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.

Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?

Driver: It's not my car. I stole it.

Officer: This car is stolen?

Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's

card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.

Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?

Driver: Yes, sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the

woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.

Officer: There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?

Driver: Yes, sir.

Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car was

quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to

handle the tense situation.

Captain: Sir, can I see your license?

Driver: Sure. Here it is.

The driver's license was valid.

Captain: Who's car is this?

Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the owner's card.

The driver owned the car.

Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a

gun in it?

Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it.

Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.

Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there's

a body in it.

Driver: No problem.

Trunk is opened; no body.

Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you

told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the

glove box, and that there was a dead body in the trunk.

Driver: Yeah, and I'll bet the lying S.O.B. told you I was speeding,

too!

i think this joke is better Edited August 15, 2012 by Dream=?

[jim]

yes that is a good one but was the driver over 60

[*Dream*]

yes that is a good one but was the driver over 60

thanks

[Spyderwebber]

You reminded me of a good one:

 

A distraught old woman went to the doctor. She told him,

 

"Doctor, I have terrible gas. They are silent and don't smell, but I pass gas all the time. In fact, I have passed gas 10 times since I have been here in your office."

 

The doctor replied "Now calm down. Take these pills and come see me in a week."

 

A week goes by and she returns to the doctor more distraught than ever. She says.

 

"Doctor! I don't know what you gave me but now its worse than ever! I still have gas as bad as before, they are still silent, but now they smell awful!"

 

The doctor replied "OK, now that we have your nose working, lets take care of your hearing."

 

[*Dream*]

You reminded me of a good one:

 

A distraught old woman went to the doctor. She told him,

 

"Doctor, I have terrible gas. They are silent and don't smell, but I pass gas all the time. In fact, I have passed gas 10 times since I have been here in your office."

 

The doctor replied "Now calm down. Take these pills and come see me in a week."

 

A week goes by and she returns to the doctor more distraught than ever. She says.

 

"Doctor! I don't know what you gave me but now its worse than ever! I still have gas as bad as before, they are still silent, but now they smell awful!"

 

The doctor replied "OK, now that we have your nose working, lets take care of your hearing."

 

[jim]

that A GOOD ONE TO

[*Dream*]

that A GOOD ONE TO

yes

[*=FeluCiuS=*]

haha guys....i can stop laughing

[*Dream*]

haha guys....i can stop laughing

sorry

[Rabidraccoon]

funny jokes. "let's take of your hearing." People will starat wondering why I'm laughing out loud.

[*Dream*]

funny jokes. "let's take of your hearing." People will starat wondering why I'm laughing out loud.

[EliteWalMartSecurity]

Did ya hear about the man who stuck Viagra in his ear??

 

 

 

 

 

Now he's HARD of hearing...