Patty

[Kooki]

Patty staggered home after being out late with his drinking buddy Mike. He snuck into the house as quietly as possible so as not to wake his wife Kathleen, he tiptoed up the stairs in the darkness. He misjudged a step and lost his balance he managed to grab a banister as his body swung around he landed heavily on his rump, managing not to yell. 

He broke bottles of whiskey one in each back pocket making the fall that much more painful.

 He pulled down his pants, his rump was bleeding so he went to the bathroom to look for a box of Band-Aides. Looking in the hall mirror he applied a Band-Aide wherever he saw blood, hid the box and staggered off to bed.

When he woke up in the morning there was a searing pain in his head and rump. Kathleen was staring at him from across the room. “You were drunk last night weren’t you!” she said “Why would you say a mean thing like that!” says Patty. 

”Well," said Kathleen "It could be the open front door, it could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing through the house. It could be your bloodshot eyes but mostly, it is all those Band-Aides stuck on the hall Mirror!”

[Kooki]

Fred...

An Arizona Highway Patrol officer stops a Harley for traveling faster than the posted speed limit; so he asks the biker his name.

'Fred,' he replies. 

'Fred what?' the officer asks. 

'Just Fred,' the man responds. 

The officer is in a good mood, thinks he might just give the biker a break, and write him out a warning instead of a ticket. The officer then presses him for the last name. 

The man tells him that he used to have a last name; but he lost it. 

The officer thinks that he has a nut case on his hands; but plays along with it. 'Tell me, Fred, how did you lose your last name?'

The biker replies, 'It's a long story, so stay with me.' I was born Fred Johnson. I studied hard and got good grades. When I got older, I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went through college, medical school, internship, residency, and finally got my degree, so I was Fred Johnson, MD.

 

After a while I got bored being a doctor, so I decided to go back to school. Dentistry was my dream! Got all the way through School, got my degree, so then I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS.

Got bored doing dentistry, so I started fooling around with my assistant and she gave me VD, so now I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS, with VD.

 

Well, the ADA found out about the VD; so they took away my DDS. Then, I was Fred Johnson, MD with VD.

 

Then, the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD; so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Johnson with VD.

Then the VD took away my Johnson, so now I am Just Fred.'

 

The officer walked away in tears, laughing.

Fred rode into the sunset, crying.