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Welcome to Pondering Pig #5 BABY!! Today's topic will be LOVE!!!! Specifically, how to have a successful romantic relationship. Even more specific, how to stay in love. Marriages these days have about a 50% failure rate. They end in violent divorces and even couples are having a hard time feelin' the love. Why do we get bored of the people we used to love? Why do we cheat or have affairs? And if the person we love tells us "I don't think I love you anymore.", what does it mean? I can recall how my current relationship started many moons ago. I was crazy about this girl but I was terrified of being betrayed or lied to. I knew this would just bring baggage into the relationship so I told her flat out. "Look, I'm going to do my best. But there's one thing I simply can't handle. I can't handle lies. Don't lie and don't betray me. That's all I ask ok?" Seems fair right? Well the first thing she did was cheat on me, LOL! Now a less wise man would throw this "see-you-next-tuesday" right out the door! But not I. Instead I told her, "I want to make this work. Do you want to be with me or not?" She confirmed her desire to be with me and promised to never do betray me like that again. She was clearly upset. Over the months, I felt rage, hate, anger, frustration and resentment. It took many months of meditation, communication, PATIENCE and more patience. We both worked hard to make sure we confronted our feelings. I felt very attracted to other people at times and wanted to be with them. I was honest about this and who could blame me? She cheated so of course I'd want to be with someone else, lol. But I stayed focused and never lied or betrayed her either. Now, our relationship is better than it ever has been. It's been tough at times but the deep feeling of connection is worth so much more. Here's the point: I noticed my feelings of love for my girlfriend would change. I felt less love for her at certain times and vice versa. So what was with this ebb and flow? Was it normal? Yes. But I also learned through meditation that my feelings were my responsibility. I actively focused my meditations on my relationship and a wave of insights flooded my consciousness. One of them was this: It is YOUR responsibility to feel love towards your partner. It is not your partners responsibility to MAKE you feel love. This is a very mature concept. More and more psychological research indicates how love is a choice. When we feel a certain something, we pursue it. We go with it. In other words, once we start following the spark, we've now accepted responsibility for our feelings. If you don't feel love for your partner or if it's been shakey, take a look at yourself honestly. How much are you putting on your partner? Maybe we should spend more time cultivating feelings of love to share with our partners instead of depend on them to force us to feel love to begin with. Thoughts, feelings, irrational outrage? Post it below dudes!
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