Post(?)Organic Posted April 15, 2010 Posted April 15, 2010 What NOT to do * Never revive, give health to, or help any teammates. * NEVER EVER EVER open closets with survivors inside them, they are actually a tank who tries to trick you into opening the door. * Never let your teammates live, and pretend to be sad when they die. * DO NOT help tanks during the finales, Tanks are invulnerable during the finales, and can handle the whole situation themselves. * Never help any fellow survivors when they are hanging from a ledge; they're too fat to even do a pull-up by themselves, serves them right. * Do not shoot any infected that have pounced/dragged/boomed/punched your teammates, your teammate is doomed, and shooting the infected grabs their attention, and will kill you the very second they are finished with your friend. * Do not use anything besides shotguns. * DO NOT play this game. Seriously, go play Cave Story like the rest of the un-sheeple or something remotely better like Call of Duty 4 Survivors * One of the main factors of this game mode is to be completely anti-social. Always keep away from teammates, at any time they can become infected and attack you, that said it would be best to just kill them at the start of the level or at least keep 25 feet away from them. Say you have Zombie Jammer, the L4D equivalent of UAV Jammer and you do not emit pheromones to attract zombies. * Don't actually worry too much about fighting zombies, it's much more important to simply to stay alive so make your way to the safe house ASAP. Your team will thank you for making it to the end and winning the game for them. * As mentioned above, your survival is very important; You must keep your health as to close to 100 as possible. Therefore, always search rooms for med kits and pills to use them before your teammates can. * If a teammate is lying on the floor incapacitated, this means they've been infected and are about to turn into a zombie. The best way to stop this is to help your team by utilizing molotovs. This is done by throwing it on your fallen comrade and watching as the flames cleanse your teammate's body of the virus. Your team will be glad you did this. * Because the witch only kills one player, it's best to run past her. While doing this, make sure to stir her up just a bit. She'll probably attack the next teammate that approaches. If the witch gets caught on a pebble or path finds your teammate by going the opposite direction and attempting to come back around the globe, you have only succeeded in the usual. * Shooting the car temporarily scares the zombies away from your location. By all means, when you come across the car, shoot it, You and your teammates will be glad you did.However,if you shoot a car that doesn't glow, ten hordes will immediately be summoned. * There is no better time to pick up an incapacitated friend than when he is surrounded by 360 degrees of zombies punting his corpse about like a can on the sidewalk. * Any weapon you pick up slows you down, so only sticking with pistols is a generally better idea, since they have infinite ammo and kills every infected in 4 hits, even Tanks. * The Assault rifle is for pussies, Hunting rifle for faggots. Shotguns are the only weapons that are worth using, even good at taking out that unreachable Smoker several blocks away that snagged another survivor. * Safe rooms are everything but safe, Infected can spawn in there at the very second of the match start, so leave as soon as possible, even if you don't have a Medkit or weapons. * When you see a Witch crying, run up to her and keep walking in circles until the "Comfort" action appears onscreen. * Shooting Boomers at close range will not cover your team in vomit. * Be sure to chase down any boss infected you spot, even if this means running back to the beginning safe zone. The world can never return back to normal if they're still around. * It's obviously a good idea to stay near ledges during a mob fight. Zombies are scared of heights, so they won't think twice of coming near you. The Infected * As infected, the game revolves around getting a score of as many points as possible. This means that the player should not be afraid to kill steal from smokers by either pouncing on their prey as hunter or clawing at them as any of the other classes. * Pouncing a victim as a hunter with no support will frighten the three survivors so badly that they will run off and leave you to tear your victim to pieces. * As a Tank, it's important to use punchable physics objects cleverly. This means that anything within 500 feet of you that has a red outline around it renders both your regular punch and your rock throw useless and your number one priority is to smash cars around until you've blocked yourself in an alleyway and gotten stuck and f***ed up the physics and pretty much made an ass of yourself in general. * When playing as the Tank, NEVER EVER EVER use your Rock Throw, why you say? Picking that shit up takes ten minutes, and by the time youre finished throwing it you'll have 35 shotgun blasts in your back. * Votekicking the person who is about to become the Tank automatically makes you become it. * As a Tank, punch Hunters/Smokers who have already pinned someone, this kills the survivor instantly, and saves the Hunter/Smoker who could have been killed by another survivor anyway. * Hiding behind the Witch does not work, she will attack ANYONE who comes within 600 feet, even Infected, or common infected. * The Boomers vomit does not do any damage, so when you're a Boomer, kill yourself like a suicide boner (yes boner because you can f*** the survivors over either way). You wouldn't have done any damage anyway. * If you are chosen to spawn as a tank, wait until the bar at the bottom becomes empty. Once it is empty, you will become the Super-Tank and be able to kill any Survivor in a single hit. Effective trolling methods * Insist you've become infected and tell your team to go on without you. Light yourself on fire and proceed to make zombie groaning noises into your headset. * Carry a gas tank into the safe room so it carries over to the next level with you. As soon as the game starts, drop the gas can, run out the safe room and shoot at it, then close the door on your team. * Run far ahead of your team and throw molotovs in their path at key points in the game, such as a staircase. For extra points, do this while the team is running away from a Tank. * Joining games on Expert difficulty, followed by instantly killing your teammates is without a doubt, an awesome trolling method. * Shooting the gas station will incap ANY survivor within 20-40 feet, DO IT AS MOTHERf***ING SOON AS POSSIBLE. * Wait for a tank to spawn, then immediately turn around and run back to the safe room. This is especially funny on Expert setting. * In Expert mode, shoot your teammate at close range with the auto-shotgun and pretend you were checking to see if friendly-fire was on. Better yet, in fact, tell them you were Spy-checking. * Refuse to heal, save, revive or respawn Louis just because he's a Nigger. Better still, shoot him down and leave him to die. Only give him pills, since it is general knowledge that niggers are addicted to drugs. * As one of the three male survivors, do nothing but follow Zoey around and stare at her ass. If she is uncooperative shoot her down and teabag all over her incapped body. Extra lulz: bind MWHEELUP "vocalize EatPills" add that to the console and scroll up as fast as you can while you're on top of her - Also, Download the Naked Zoey model, and spend the entire game staring at her sweet tits * Run into the safe room before anybody else and shut the door. Every time a teammate opens the door to get in quickly shut it back, spamming the 'laugh' voice command the whole time. * Just before you are able to clamber aboard the rescue vehicle after surviving the finale, incapacitate everybody else, then throw a molotov at your feet or offer yourself to the zombies, effectively failing the mission. Works wonders especially in Expert mode. * Kicking another player for no reason could be a possible source of lulz. But it really depends on how far they have been in the game (Works best on Expert on the last mission) * Go AFK, simply wait out the game until they votekick you. * Remember, molotovs are the only cure to infection, always throw it at your teammates whenever you are safe from any f***ing infected that may come across you and disturb the cleaning process. * Pills are the most important thing in the game. * Not picking up weapons, or medkits before you leave the saferoom works too. * Shoot down Zoey because she's a whore, if you are Zoey, shoot down Louis because he's a nigger. Make sure you shoot down anyone else who happens to mention their dead corpse, as they obviously know what happened. Silencing helps you in every way imaginable. * Play audio clips in a genuine attempt to be funny or humorous. Despite not actually trying to troll, this can prove to be ten times as effective than anything you could do consciously and will bring up the votekick dialog with your name on it faster than you can release the C button. * Go complete batshit and shoot EVERYTHING while screaming into the microphone as loud as possible. * As infected, block off every path possible HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT I SUCK COCKS * As a Tank, kill every special infected you see, DO NOT attempt to attack any of the survivors, instead simply follow them until they get bored of you, then proceed to punch the witch in the face when she spawns. * In Survival mode, make sure to pile up all the fuel tanks near Louis; shoot them and begin to yell "BURN THE Nigger!" into your headset * Keep telling Lewis to fetch the rope, as a smoker keep telling that you are going to hang his black ass. * Run ahead of everyone and activate the elevators and radios, these trigger a swarm and everyone gets furiously f***ed in the ass real quick if they are not ready for it. * Throw somebody pills in the middle of battle. They will appreciate being able to smack zombies with a bottle instead of that pesky shotgun. * After deploying any of the above tactics, wait until your team is busy, and initiate a vote kick on one of them. Sometimes they're too distracted to look at the name of the person the vote is for, and thus kick their own friends, after which you're free to vote the rest of them off as well. * As the tank in Versus mode, make sure you have a friend on the Survivor team, and then escort him to the safe house, all while punching Special Infected to death as they try to attack. Three times as much points if you escort the entire team. * Simply pretend to be bad. This is usually the most effective method of covertly trolling the f*** out of public servers, since they don't know you intentionally didn't run back and pull that Special Infected off of them. * Kill yourself once the rescue vechile arrives, thus lowering the point drasticaly. If they try to kick you, say it was an accident. * Shoot your teammate every 40 seconds. This lowers their health faster than you can say f***tard. You can get away with this much easier when they're being bashed by zombies at every angle. * If Someone requires healing, walk over to them with a Health item in your hands, stare at them until they ask you for some assistance, at which point, down the pills, or medikit yourself to full HP, Bonus Points if you then type "OPS " Into the Chatbox. * When a fight breaks out, hang around near the guy with the shotgun, which is such a common weapon. The wide blast angle of the shotgun is bound to inflict friendly fire on you, you cannot miss it. Keep doing this until you're downed twice. Upon being helped up, tell him it's OK after he says sorry. Wait until the group starts moving away then shoot him in the head from a good distance then run off laughing as he haplessly chases you with the shotgun.This will teach him not to use shitty guns such as the shotgun. * Throw pipebombs behind your group, so the zombie horde will run directly into your teammates, and hopefully block them into corners. * Toss a Molotov on the body of any Downed survivor being beaten up by the Horde, This will kill every zombie around him, and hopefully kill him too. The faggot * Run past the Witch, and wait until she aggro's onto someone else, and kills them...when your team shoots the witch dead, Begin raping her rotten corpse, best used with Francis, and his grunting sounds made by saying the "NO" Command. Bonus Points if the Witch actually dies in a "Face down, Ass up" Poistion. * At the start of any mission on Expert, team-kill all other Survivors before you leave the safe room. Then tee-bag their bodies while using all medkits available. Take pills on top of Louis for extra lulz. Quote
Malokyte Posted April 22, 2010 Posted April 22, 2010 Nobody in their right mind plays as a survivor in Versus. <.< Kill yourself as soon as possible to be Infected. Quote
Post(?)Organic Posted April 24, 2010 Author Posted April 24, 2010 Nobody in their right mind plays as a survivor in Versus. <.< Kill yourself as soon as possible to be Infected. I find it depends on how good your team actually is, its no fun to be on either side when your teammates are completely useless, and for some reason i seem to always end up on the useless team Quote
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