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#1
Gunslinger6-2

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Are you terrified of your computer? Do you feel out of place and overwhelmed when your friends or coworkers start spouting reams and reams of technical jargon that you will never understand? Then this article is for you! We'll help you get over your fear of technical terminology by tickling your funny bone. We'll start with some definitions that SHOULD be true, and we hope are entertaining.

486 - The average IQ needed to understand a P.C.

State-of-the-art - Any computer you can't afford.

Obsolete - Any computer you own.

Microsecond - The time it takes for your State-of-the-art-computer to become obsolete.

Syntax Error - Hi, I want to buy a computer and money is no object.

GUI (pronounced gooey) - What your computer becomes after spilling your coffee on it.

Computer Chip - Any starchy food stuff consumed in mass quantities while programming.

Keyboard - The standard way to generate computer errors.

Mouse - An advanced input device to make computer errors easier to generate.

Floppy - The state of your wallet after purchasing a computer.

Hard Drive - The sales technique employed by computer salesmen.

Portable Computer - A device invented to force businessmen to work at home, on vacation and on business trips.

Disk Crash - A typical computer response to any critical deadline.

Power User - Anyone who can format a disk from DOS.

System Update - A quick method of trashing ALL of your software.

Grabbed From: Computer Jokes
[All jokes are believed to be in the public domain. If you feel one of these belongs to you, please let us know the details and we will either remove the material or provide a link at your request.]


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#2
Husa

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Are you terrified of your computer? Do you feel out of place and overwhelmed when your friends or coworkers start spouting reams and reams of technical jargon that you will never understand? Then this article is for you! We'll help you get over your fear of technical terminology by tickling your funny bone. We'll start with some definitions that SHOULD be true, and we hope are entertaining.

486 - The average IQ needed to understand a P.C.

State-of-the-art - Any computer you can't afford.

Obsolete - Any computer you own.

Microsecond - The time it takes for your State-of-the-art-computer to become obsolete.

Syntax Error - Hi, I want to buy a computer and money is no object.

GUI (pronounced gooey) - What your computer becomes after spilling your coffee on it.

Computer Chip - Any starchy food stuff consumed in mass quantities while programming.

Keyboard - The standard way to generate computer errors.

Mouse - An advanced input device to make computer errors easier to generate.

Floppy - The state of your wallet after purchasing a computer.

Hard Drive - The sales technique employed by computer salesmen.

Portable Computer - A device invented to force businessmen to work at home, on vacation and on business trips.

Disk Crash - A typical computer response to any critical deadline.

Power User - Anyone who can format a disk from DOS.

System Update - A quick method of trashing ALL of your software.

Grabbed From: Computer Jokes
[All jokes are believed to be in the public domain. If you feel one of these belongs to you, please let us know the details and we will either remove the material or provide a link at your request.]

Nice one(btw nice signature!)

#3
!Chuck4Abuck

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lol nice

#4
Gunslinger6-2

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Nice one(btw nice signature!)


I just like to have some jokes in gaming... It makes things all the much better. ( and thanx 'bout the sig)

#5
Gunslinger6-2

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You know it is time to reassess your relationship with your computer when....

1. You wake up at 4 O'clock in the morning to go to the bathroom and stop to check your email on the way back to bed.

2. You turn off your computer and get an awful empty feeling, as if you just pulled the plug on a loved one.

3. You decide to stay in college for an additional year or two, just for the free internet access.

4. You laugh at people with 56k modems.

5. You start using smileys :-) in your snail mail.

6. You find yourself typing "com" after every period when using a word processor.com

7. You can't correspond with your mother because she doesn't have a computer.

8. When your email box shows "no new messages" and you feel really depressed.

9. You don't know the gender of your three closest friends because they have nondescript screen name and you never bothered to ask.

10. You move into a new house and you decide to "Netscape" before you landscape.

11. Your family always knows where you are.

12. In real life conversations, you don't laugh, you just say "LOL, LOL"

Edited by Gunslinger6-2, 14 November 2009 - 08:53 AM.


#6
PHANTASM

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lol I do most of these things. Didn't know they were weird! I don't know what half my friends look like lol.

#7
Fb!N!nJa

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laugh out loud crazy stuff there, I dont know some of my friends gender like my friends in wolfenstein :)

#8
Gunslinger6-2

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10 Laws of Computing

1. When computing, whatever happens, behave as though you meant it to happen.

2. When you get to the point where you really understand your computer, it's probably obsolete.

3. The first place to look for information is in the section of the manual where you'd least expect to find it.

4. When the going gets tough, upgrade.

5. For every action, there is an equal and opposite malfunction.

6. To err is human...to blame your computer for your mistakes is even more human, its downright natural.

7. He who laughs last, probably has a back-up.

8. The number one cause of computer problems is computer solutions.

9. A complex system that doesn't work is invariably found to have evolved from a simpler system that worked just fine.

10. A computer program will always do what you tell it to do, but rarely what you want it to do.



#9
Gunslinger6-2

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Proper Diskette Care and Usage


(1) Never leave diskettes in the drive, as the data can leak out of the disk and corrode the inner mechanics of the drive. Diskettes should be rolled up and stored in pencil holders.

(2) Diskettes should be cleaned and waxed once a week. Microscopic metal particles may be removed by waving a powerful magnet over the surface of the disk. Any stubborn metal shavings can be removed with scouring powder and steel wool. When waxing a diskette, make sure the surface is even. This will allow the diskette to spin faster, resulting in better access time.

(3) Do not fold diskettes unless they do not fit into the drive. "Big" Diskettes may be folded and used in "Little" drives.

(4) Never insert a diskette into the drive upside down. The data can fall off the surface of the disk and jam the intricate mechanics of the drive.

(5) Diskettes cannot be backed up by running them through a photo copy machine. If your data is going to need to be backed up, simply insert TWO diskettes into your drive. Whenever you update a document, the data will be written onto both disks. A handy tip for more legible backup copies: Keep a container of iron filings at your desk. When you need to make two copies, sprinkle iron filings liberally between the diskettes before inserting them into the drive.

(6) Diskettes should not be removed or inserted from the drive while the red light is on or flashing. Doing so could result in smeared or possibly unreadable text. Occasionally, the red light remains flashing in what is known as a "hung" or "hooked" state. If your system is hooking, you will probably need to insert a few coins before being allowed to access the slot.

(7) If your diskette is full and needs more storage space, remove the disk from the drive and shake vigourously for two minutes. This will pack the data enough (data compression) to allow for more storage. Be sure to cover all openings with scotch tape to prevent loss of data.

(8) Data access time may be greatly improved by cutting more holes in the diskette jacket. This will provide more simultaneous access points to the disk.

(9) Periodically spray diskettes with insecticide to prevent system bugs from spreading.....

(10) You can keep your data fresh by storing disks in the vegetable compartment of your refrigerator. Disks may be frozen, but remember to un thaw by microwaving or briefly immersing in boiling water.

(11) "Little" diskettes must be removed from their box prior to use. These containers are childproof to prevent tampering by unknowledgeable youngsters.

(12) You can recover data from a damaged disk by using the DOS command: FORMAT /U or alternatively by scratching new sector marks on the disk with a nail file.

(13) Diskettes become "hard" with age. It's important to back up your "hard" disks before they become too brittle to use. (14) Make sure you label your data. Staples are a good way to permanently affix labels to your disks.






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