today , april 19 , 2017 , is the saddest day of my life so far ..... i am writing this not to bum people out , but to share with the world my love and admiration for my father ,,,, on april 8 , my father had his 5th and final heart attack . after his first attack a few years ago , i decided to move back home so i could be closer to my family and to be there just in case i was needed ,,,, and on the 8th of april that need came to be .... my mother awoke at around 1 am ( so i guess technically april 9th ) , and she noticed that my father wasnt breathing right ( no snoring lol) and she immediatly called out for me , i rushed upstairs and saw my father and i knew something wasnt right ... his lips were blue and i had that aweful feeling ,,,, even though my father was a doctor , i had never actually taken a CPR course ,,, yet still i dove in and according to my mother , i performed CPR for 30+minutes , unreleived , until paramedics finally arrived .... after 6 defib( shock paddles ) they were able to get enough of a heartbeat to move him to the ambulance and get him to the hospital , he never regained conscienceness , but i am fairly certain that he was aware of our pressence at the hospital , after a 10 day battle his heart had finally reached its limit , ,,,, i know that he was fighting as hard as he could to stay with us , and i am thankful that i got the chance to tell him how much i love him , and how proud i am to be his son ,,,, the shock of it all will hit me later , for now i must be strong for my mother and the rest of my family ,,, my father was not only my hero , but was a savior to litterally thousands of people over the years ,,, as a doctor he never turned away anyone that was sick or hurt , regardless of insurance or ability to pay , he truely cared about helping people for the sake of whats right .... he worked many miracles and saved many people over the years because he was , as he would put it "one of the last country doctors left" ... and he truely was ...he had a profound knowlege of medicine and was always studying and searching for new ideas and answers from every source you can imagine ,, and he never gave up on anyone ... so for the last 10 days we didnt give up on him ... but today his tired old body just couldnt fight anymore , i know he is at peace and he is at rest , a rest he most definatly earned , even though i know he wanted to stay and heal more people , because that was the way my Dad was ,,, a healer .... i have lost many , many people in my life ,, some family , some friends , some just people i barely knew ,,, but this is by far the most painful and shocking of them all ... so far ... its now 3 34 am and i cant sleep , i dont really know what i am feeling at the moment , all i know is there is a great emptyness in this house and a great sadness all around me ,, and this post is all i have right now to express this sorrow and release some of this .... well thats just it ... i lack the vocabulary to describe this aweful feeling ,, so for those of you kind enough to read this post , i apollogize and i thank you ,,,, thankfully i will pass out from fatigue and sleep depro fairly soon ,,, again thank you to all who read this far ,,, you honor my father by doing so , ,, i know all of us have lost loved ones so i know that others can empathize with what i am feeling ,,,, again ..... thankyou to my =F|A=mily for being here ,,, i know its pixels on a screen , but through =F|A= i have met many carring and wonderful people , ,,,,,,,,,i am trying my best not to ramble , but rambling is actuallly helping me to cope at the moment .... i will leave you all with a cliche piece of advice .... tell the ones you love that you love them ....tell them the next time you see them ,,,, and tell them again and again after that ,,,,, you never know if you will get another chance , so dont waste the chances you have ...... yeah , yeah ,, i know ,,,, the most cliche advice ever ,,,, but that doesnt make it any less valid ..... =p .... i wish everyone good health , happiness , and love , ,,,,, =) <3 forever !!!
a.k.a. =F|A= vehx .