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Phobia

words of wisdom that may bring a smile

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from the days before dos was an attack but instead an os

 

Bad command or file name. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaaay…

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My personality is who I am, my attitude depends on who you are.

 

Some people are so poor, all they have is money.

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Here's an oldie but a goody!

 

Crap in one hand, and wish in the other, see which one gets filled first

 

Who is general error, and why is he reading my disk?

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I always liked "General Command error"    sounds so military.

 

Here are some words of wisdom I have picked up over the years...

 

Go 7 days without sex or crapping.... then you will find out what is really important in life.

 

When someone asks you "How you been?"   Never answer it for real.  Just say "Good"  No one really cares how you have been. And above all,  Never repeat the question back to them.

 

When two girls are talking...never...never interrupt them.

 

When first seeing a beautiful woman...keep your eyes on her shoes.  Then ask her where she got them.

 

Most men have a 6" ****.  Those that brag about the big one...don't have one.  Big dicked men don't worry about such stuff.  Women never care about the size of your ****...only the heart behind it.

 

Give a woman any present and she will like it.  Give her a massage and back scratch and she will love it.  Give her your complete honesty and she will love you forever.

 

Always let a woman undress herself.

 

Always wear a brand new pair of boxers on any date.  That way, if you have to make a run for it,  at least you look good.

 

When going to a bar or nightclub...always dress better than any other guy there.  When wearing a suit...always have a brightly colored cloth in your suit lapel pocket,  and matching socks.  The brightest

male in the pack gets the attention from the most females.

 

When dressing up for a night out...trim your neckline.  Scraggy neck hair is a dead giveaway that you aren't that cool.

 

When on a date and you have to use the restroom, never say so.  Always say, "Please, excuse me for a moment"  is all you need to say.

 

Always carry a flossing tool with you.  Food in the teeth is not a good look.

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If I had a million dollars, and you had a feather up your butt, we would both be tickled..

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Airports see more sincere kisses than wedding halls, and the walls of hospitals have seen more prayers than the walls in churches.

 

"Don’t worry about people stealing your ideas. If your ideas are any good, you’ll have to ram them down people’s throats." - Howard Aiken

 

"Birds born in a cage think flying is an illness." -Alejandro Jodorowsky
 

Wisdom is nothing more than healed pain.

 

Once the game is over, the king and the pawn go back into the same box.

 

Think; It's not illegal yet.

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People seeking advice are usually only looking for a partner in crime

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Bald guys never have a bad hair day

 

That must be why Phoenix is always so happy.

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That must be why Phoenix is always so happy.

lol nailed it!

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Here are a couple that I grew up hearing from my grandmother..

 

"I'm madder than an old wet hen!"

 

"I called her everything but the milk cow"

 

"That boy is as useless as tits on a boar hog!"

 

"If the Lord is willing, and the creek don't rise"

Edited by Ph0eniX

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"yeah that will happen when hell freezes over or politicians stop lying "

 

"I promise you...I never had sex with that woman"

 

"Honest to God officer...."

 

Well bless your little pea pickin' heart"

 

He's cuter than a pig in pajamas"

 

"TV is a box that lies to us constantly...and we believe it...whole heartedly."

 

"The Benghazi attack was not Al Quida lead"

 

"I swear that we had data that there were WMD's in Iraq"

 

"I am going to Berlin to kick that little paper hanger in the ass"

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