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*OFFICIAL* Joke thread!

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a vampire walked in to a vampire bar, he went to the bartender who asked: 1pint of blood?

the vampire replied: no, just a cup of hot water plz.

everyone in the bar stared at him.

then he reached into his pocket and took out a used tampon and said: "tea time boys"

Edited by Ch11m33y
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Don't Pee In The Pool

Little Johnny is approached by the lifeguard at the public swimming

pool. "You're not allowed to pee in the pool!" yells the lifeguard.

"But everyone pees in the pool," said Little Johnny.

"Maybe," said the lifeguard, "but not from the diving board!"

 

:D

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found this one sometime a go when i was bored ;p

 

0 to 200 in 6 seconds

 

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was

really pissed.

 

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the

driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

 

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke

up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box

gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

 

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought

the box back in the house.

 

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

 

Bob has been missing since Friday

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A guy enters in a pub and scream :"Hey, it's me!!!"

But it wasn't him...

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Man was standing on cliff that is man1, man who comes there is man2.

 

Man1: 276

 

Man1:276

 

man2 comes to him.

 

Man2: what are you saying.

 

Man1 pushes man2 from cliff.

 

Man1: 277

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Recent surveys have shown that the more birthdays you have, the longer you live.

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Recent surveys have shown that longer you live, the more birthdays you have.

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A doctor is going about his business, with a rectal thermometer tucked behind his ear.

He goes into a staff meeting to discuss the days activities, when a co-worker asks why he has a thermometer behind his ear?

In a wild motion he grabs for the thermometer, looks at it and exclaims:

- Damn, some a**h**** has my pen!

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