thundercunt Posted June 11, 2010 Share Posted June 11, 2010 I would like to trade your piano skills for my testicle. ABOUT YOUR PIANO SKILLS When you sit down at the piano, you do so with a complete command of its most majestic possibilities. For you, it would be possible to tease the melody of die fledermaus with your right hand while harmonizing exclusively with nearly random minor ninth chords in your left. You're well informed on matters of music theory in general, and keyboard theory in particular. For example, you're up to speed regarding the recent heated arguments concerning lydian chromaticism vs. traditional natural fourths. You've absorbed the pedaling lessons of disc two/side two of Keith Jarrett's Köln Concert and have instinctively rejected the entire oeuvre of George Winston and his simpering new age banalities. You're familiar with the entirety of the western keyboard canon on the one hand and the outré explorations of pioneers like Monk, Taylor, and Rhodes on the other. You are a master. If the piano is the lion of instruments, you are its tamer. ABOUT MY TESTICLE My testicle is 27-years-old, white, and relatively hairless. It has been described as "adequate" and "not grotesque." Although I have had a vasectomy, I was told by the doctor that minor trauma to the testicle could reattach the disconnected tubes. Once it's yours, you could probably just tap it with a hammer if you wanted to make it work right. In any case, testicle is offered "as is." THE TRADE This is a straightforward deal. You give me your piano skills, and I send you my testicle. You pay shipping. Serious Inquiries only. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cpt Fudg3 Cak3 Posted June 11, 2010 Share Posted June 11, 2010 What about if I traded you a small hamster named Jeffrey and a metronome made of WIN! for you testicle. The metronome can help you with piano and Jeffrey is to cover up where the offered testicle use to rest. (If the metronome doesn't work theres always the other testicle to trade) If you decide to trade your testicle shall be proudly positioned in a box in my attic with all the others. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rambaa Posted June 12, 2010 Share Posted June 12, 2010 I play the piano. But I really don't want your testicles. Is there something else you could possibly trade me? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Saizou Posted June 12, 2010 Share Posted June 12, 2010 I could mail you my crappy piano skills while you could mail me your grand piano. Or a piano made out of testicle if it plays? Just on a side note, where do you guys get your piano sheets? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thundercunt Posted June 14, 2010 Author Share Posted June 14, 2010 What about if I traded you a small hamster named Jeffrey and a metronome made of WIN! for you testicle. The metronome can help you with piano and Jeffrey is to cover up where the offered testicle use to rest. (If the metronome doesn't work theres always the other testicle to trade) If you decide to trade your testicle shall be proudly positioned in a box in my attic with all the others. This sounds like a good deal to me. I play the piano. But I really don't want your testicles. Is there something else you could possibly trade me? 1. Well it was just for one testicle (the right one) not both. 2. Yes i have bacon and pie. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cpt Fudg3 Cak3 Posted June 14, 2010 Share Posted June 14, 2010 This sounds like a good deal to me. 1. Well it was just for one testicle (the right one) not both. 2. Yes i have bacon and pie. YOU HAVE BACON AND PIE!? Screw the testicle (not literally). Are the bacon and the pie seperated or are they one entity? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thundercunt Posted June 14, 2010 Author Share Posted June 14, 2010 YOU HAVE BACON AND PIE!? Screw the testicle (not literally). Are the bacon and the pie seperated or are they one entity? No they are separate but that does give me one hell of an idea. BACON PIE!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DJ aka GDR DJ Posted June 14, 2010 Share Posted June 14, 2010 : 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cpt Fudg3 Cak3 Posted June 14, 2010 Share Posted June 14, 2010 No they are separate but that does give me one hell of an idea. BACON PIE!!!! Mmmmmm Bacon..... I think my offer stands at the metronome and jeffrey for a testicle. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kristy Posted June 15, 2010 Share Posted June 15, 2010 I believe that my offer will pwn yours. I am a very good negotiater. I also offer great deals. I will give you: 1.) My piano skills-eight years of long, arduous teaching under very strict and very professional teachers. 2.) My Crapiano, the latest in the long lines of crappy pianos. It is a baby grand, will sell for 2,300. Cash only. You pay shipping. Or you can come and visit me, either way. 3.) Boobs from my rival (removed very well-painful and shit. You can still mold them with your hands too.) In return, I want: 1.) A grand piano 2.) Your testicle If you accept my offer, I will display your testicle in a grand room that I will build just for you. And then I will take a picture of it and post on forums so everyone can ooh and ahh and admire your testicle. If you don't, then your loss. It was nice negotiating with you. kristy the biatch. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thundercunt Posted December 30, 2016 Author Share Posted December 30, 2016 Still up for trade... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
L3ftY. Posted December 30, 2016 Share Posted December 30, 2016 I am surmizsing here but your testicular offering may be somewhat dated. As several years have passed since your initial post, it would now be estimated at 34, and unlike a fine wine, I'm doubting testical longevity is actually more desirable today. Wear and tear may be prominent. Having said that, and taking into account depreciation value and the current rate of inflation coupled with today's economic climate, I'd be willing to offer one (1) spent condom and an autographed 3x5 picture of my neighbors pet tarantula. Shipping and handling extra. This is of course a limited time offer. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
D..X Posted December 30, 2016 Share Posted December 30, 2016 (edited) well if 5 yrs have passed they sure cant be worth piano skills... mabe a harmonica lesson but thats it Edited December 30, 2016 by D..X Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thundercunt Posted December 31, 2016 Author Share Posted December 31, 2016 I am surmizsing here but your testicular offering may be somewhat dated. As several years have passed since your initial post, it would now be estimated at 34, and unlike a fine wine, I'm doubting testical longevity is actually more desirable today. Wear and tear may be prominent. Having said that, and taking into account depreciation value and the current rate of inflation coupled with today's economic climate, I'd be willing to offer one (1) spent condom and an autographed 3x5 picture of my neighbors pet tarantula. Shipping and handling extra. This is of course a limited time offer. So is this the tarantulas signature?? or the neighbor? Im interested. Do you ever make it to Grand forks, North Dakota? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
L3ftY. Posted January 2, 2017 Share Posted January 2, 2017 (edited) Well, before we continue any further I need to have something clarified because of some of the other bogus testicular claims I have seen on the Internet, especially at this time of year. First - is this testical authentic or is it a replica made from unethical mass-production facilities utilizing child labor in the far East? Second - as with buying anything over the Internet, quality is the major factor is any purchase. Does this testical come with any guarantee and a letter of authenticity? Lastly - has this testical ever been used for worshiping or assisted in putting a curse or hex on anyone before? Has it ever been dropped from a height greater than 5 feet? Has it ever been immersed in boiling water? Does it change colors when put under an ultraviolet light? These are many questions I know and I apologize, but I'm sure you understand when buying items on the Internet. And no, I've never been to ND, but I've seen pictures and I've spoken with an American citizen once over the phone. Also the signature on the tarantula picture is claimed to be from the spider itself, although my neighbor can't verify this as he died mysteriously shortly after the picture was taken. Edited January 2, 2017 by L3ftY. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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