I was going to just send this to the Admins, via contact us, but as I drove home, and let it burn in me, I decided to post it to the general public.
First, I wanna say, I appreciate the leaders here. I appreciate the members who have been supportive of me. I appreciate being given admin and I am honored when I read DareDevil say more levels could be given over time. I've been active in the forums and on several F|A servers. I've put a lot of time into this clan, as just a regular player and have been committed to F|A for a long time. Not as long as some others, but a long time, still. 4 years, give or take, and growing. Soon, it'll be five years, then six....
This is my home and whether my apps got approved or not, I feel like a part of this community. Almost like a member. Almost. I've tried to grow in the community and I can't think of one other thing in my life, other than work, that I've ever tried so hard to be a part of. Ever.
My journey in ET has not been a quiet one. I've done a lot in and with and for the ET community. I remember the first day I played, completely naive to everything that ET is, just wanting to play a game and I look back and wonder how did my path go in so many directions? I've made some good friends and I've pissed some people off. As an admin on the F|A servers, I've always tried to be fair whenever I've had to shift from player to admin.
The reason I'm posting this to the public is because there was no problem for the public to see me accused of being a cheater. One record of me cheating will haunt me until the last day that the last ET server is still up, and no matter how much I have explained that I did not cheat, that I was setup and that I could prove I was setup if CF would ever unban me from there (Like I said, I've pissed some people off), it will not go away. I wonder, how many were busted cheating more than once? How many were busted and then just disappeared from ET? How many were just randoms that played less ET ever than I play in a week?
I know that there was a vote on this last app. I know that the vote was better than 2:1 odds in my favor. Even though I knew in the back of my mind I would probably be denied, I held out hope that there was a chance based on a favorable vote that was taking place. But to see it publicly denied, to be publicly labelled a cheater crushes my feelings. I couldn't have done or said one more thing in my defense than I already had and made the mistake of thinking I would be believed. It's funny. That one incident happened on a server (HBC) that I have never played on. Never joined a team, never fired a shot. Ever. I've logged on twice, just to see if I was banned there. It would seem that if I cheated on HBC, I would be banned there, but I'm not.
It's funny, other than something terrible like murder, you can commit a crime, go to prison, serve your time and when you come out, with effort, you can lead a normal life, accepted back into society, but let someone spoof you on an ET server to purposely screw you, and you're just doomed. It makes me shake my head everytime I join an ET server and open the console to ecex my CFG and see in blue letter "Punkbuster started". That's a funny thing to me. A cheater who has always played with PB on. Who streamed PBbans on the servers I owned. Who has Punkbuster A and Punkbuster B in my Windows startup so they are always running. It just makes me laugh now, every time, and shake my head. I wonder if you ever thought to yourselves "What if he's telling the truth?"
It's sad. And even though people say "don't let it get you down," it does get me down. It hurts. It hurts to see people who are not as committed and who have not spent as much time and who make grave errors and some who abuse their levels be accepted into the family while I'm stuck on the outside looking in.
Yeah, it hurts.....
Edited by -=HipKat=-, 31 August 2016 - 01:21 AM.