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Love, and be loved

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#1
Martinix!

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Well, I'm not that kind of guy complaining about his personal situation... But I just want to share a thought I have now with you all. Sometimes, you have to write, to communicate what you feel.

 

I'm a student, one year left... and I feel a bit sad about that. I mean, I wasn't a big fan of school, but this is the place where you meet boys and girls, same age, same passions (unfortunately it never happened to me), you discover friendship, love, and so many things, bad or good. I lived in different places during my childhood, I'll probably never see guys I liked and girls I loved again, even with social media, because they are 800 kilometers away, they have new friends, and boyfriends or girlfriends. The girl I loved the most in my short life has a boyfriend now, and I see them kissing etc. It hurts. I'm from the past for them. But you met them, you had many good moments with them, you have amazing memories with them... That's how life works. And I think it is very important to remember what you felt when you were a child. It helps to grow, to my point of view.

 

But now, I'm 22. Childhood is over. School too. I'm afraid I'll not see young people like me in my future job. I've never had a "real" girlfriend. I'm not unattractive, but as I said I lived in different places. You made friends, and you go in another place. Once, twice, thrice... You have to rebuilt your friendship again. You try to flirt but you fail. Once, twice, thrice... You lose your confidence. You try to keep the faith but you see it doesn't work with girls. You don't feel love. You wonder why, and you understand you're the problem. I'm not an extrovert guy, nor shy. It's just, I don't like to go out on saturday evening, I'm not that kind of very sensitive or tactile (?) boy, and that's hard for me to make friends. I am what I am. I can talk with whoever in university or somewhere else, it's just I need time to know someone better, and generally I don't have this time. Or I don't ask to have more (like "Let's drink together tonight").

 

Now I feel lonely. But that's my fault.

I just want someone with me now. A cousin, a friend, or simply a girlfriend. Wanna hug a girl, simply as that, to feel better. I'm single and I feel happy, but sometimes you know, you need someone with you. That's what it is happening to me right now. So, if you have a girlfriend, or a boyfriend, please hug her/him for me, and remember, even if you get angry against her/him, or whatever, you are loved, and you give love. This is the best feeling ever for an human being. Nothing is worst than feeling lonely (except illness for sure). I'll not say you're lucky, but some people like myself are sad and try desperately to find his/her SO, without knowing how, and if we'll succeed. Please kiss your SO and tell him/her you love him/her.

 

It was good to write this, I can study peacefully before my exams.

PS; Thanks Jere for your posts in Trance thread, it made my post easier to write.  ;)




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#2
von Rantala

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Yeah i didnt like school so much either, but then couple year before it was ending i realise how much good memories i had, my first infatuation was girl from my class, we never was boyfriend and girlfriend, but she was my first infatuation, i was school bullied from class 1-6 and that infatuation was my good memory from those years, when i started secondary school i change my attitude and school bullying stop, i was that "funny guy" who laught everyone and i was annoyng sometime too when i try to be too funny guy, but it was my way to get stop that school bullying, from that three year time from classes 7-9 i have a lot great memories, i found my best friend from that period and we still keep contact, mean that we are still best friends, and i see a lot dreams in nights where our class is together again, that girl who i was infatuation, choose another secondary school, but still i sometime think how she is today and hope that we can see someday and change couple words.

 

Yes Martinix everyone hope to find that girl/boy who to love and which one to share life and things, we everyone feel lonely sometimes, but from this clan you can find friends and when you share you time with us we share our time with you and you not feel so lonely again, and you can feel little bit love too :)



#3
Martinix!

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That's why I asked to join the clan, to be a part of a group, chat with others, make friends, even if we'll probably never met IRL. We have good time on servers, we laugh, I forget I'm lonely in my tiny house, and I enjoy.  :P



#4
audrey

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Since you started...

I've been in college for last three years. It's in a different city and even a different country. I haven't made one, not one, friend these past 3 years I've been in this hellhole of a city. I'm not exactly outgoing with new people and when I feel I can be what I am around someone, that someone usually finds me too weird. Girls don't quite like me, can't tell why, but it's hard to make friends. The older you get, it just gets harder and harder. It's almost weird to try and make a friend now. I don't go out often in my city and much less in this one, if ever. 2 times I did go out was when my friend visited me here. I don't mind going out with my friends, usually I have plenty of fun, but here... These people... Don't want to sound rude of ignorant, but MY GOD are they stupid. And BORING. These are kind of people who will get up extra early (6am) to attend eucharistic celebration before catching classes and in the evening they'll get incredibly drunk and cheat on their SOs. But god forbid I mention I sometimes enjoy a joint LOL, that's just too much I guess. They are extremely and insincerely religious. All of them. Multiple times I was asked to come to these weird youth christian club cults or whatever they all attend and are part of. I usually tell them I don't believe in God they believe in because I always thought they'll leave me alone. But no, they try and recruit me and save my soul.

Sometimes I hang out with these girls when we have a break between classes, all they do is gossip and talk about nails and getting married. I find it mind numbingly boring and when there's no mind stimulation in conversation I tend to just leave it. They all find me crazy weird and antisocial. I don't mind that, I prefer to be left alone.

This situation is the main reason why I watched THAT many movies and series :D

 

Back home I have few people I really tolerate and can be with and a female best friend whom I adore and been friends with last 7 years and a male friend with whom I've been friends for 6 years, to whom I think I feel deep feels if you feel me :D I'm happy with all the people I have in life and I'm even happier with ones I didn't let in my life or vice versa.

 

 

tl;dr I only love and have you guys, LOVE ME PLEASE.



#5
Raskin

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Do not give up on love..or fear rejection.if you are open and honest you can find someone.I was married twice by my mid 20s.been with "lambchop" since then : D ..almost 40 years.we don't get along all the time,but who does.we have shared our lives together.if a misfit like me can find love so can you . about me..figured I'd roll this all in at once..I grew up in northern Louisiana in the country.at age 5 was in a bad accident and was in a body cast for 8 weeks.this left me with nerve damage in my neck and spine and I've been in pain all my life.I use to passout alot and a few years later they found out I was hypoglycemic and had mixed dominance,which is a learning disability that makes it hard for me to concentrate and learn.I was very withdrawn and ran away a lot and started getting into trouble at age 10.I guit school at 14 and left home for good to live with a friend and his older brother.their mom was divorced and worked on cruise ships and was gone half the time.my friends older brother was a meth dealer and I quickly. . became a junkie..I liked it because I could talk and not be withdrawn ..and it helped with the physical pain.I finally kicked that for pill forms.between age 10 and 20 I was locked up for about half the time for various activities and really had no normal life.i will tell you I was never violent towards anyone...I never stayed put anywhere for long and wandered into the dark corners of cities near me..New Orleans..Montrose district of Houston Texas mostly.I finally grew out of the hypoglycemia at about 20 and started to be able to function a little better.i was tired of pulling the devils tail and wanted to find someone to share my life with and love.the first marriage didn't last.I've had many happy years since then with my wife..

Edited by Raskin, 14 May 2015 - 06:02 PM.


#6
Martinix!

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I thought about my young days. The great relationship I had with girls until 12. And the possibilities I had to met people, to make friends from 12 to now. I felt again the fear I had, but it feels so stupid now. As an introvert it is difficult to be open to strangers. But once you know this stranger, it becomes an human being, and then a friend. I realize that.

 

Almost 6 years ago, I moved into a new city, and I went to a party with classmates. I didn't know them well but a good looking girl was "interesting". I was a bit shy but I talked with her, feeling was good, I get his number, she had mine. We talked a lot by sending texts to each other, we didn't often talk IRL even if we were in the same classroom, but I fall in love. I said to her, by sending text (stupid idea I know), that I liked (not loved) her much. She understood but told me, very friendly, she wasn't, I was just a friend. I had this terrible feeling of shame and I never talked to her again. I deleted pictures I took at this party. I regret it, badly. But in my mind, I can still see her surprised/good looking face when I took a picture without telling her.

From this time, I don't understand girls anymore. I fear them. I can talk to them, be funny, but I don't show my feelings anymore, I'm just... neutral. I protect myself. And I can not guess what girls in front of me are thinking about me. I try but this is so hard... I'm probably dumb. But for sure some of them really appreciate me, and others not at all. But none of them tried to show me her feeling. Or I'm blind and deaf.

 

As I said, childhood and studies are over, I had possibilities to met girls during classmates parties but I didn't. At this time, I didn't regret it. Now, I think I am. My biggest fear is to not have these opportunities anymore. I know I'll have it again, but I don't know how I would be in front of a girl I like, with the opportunity to go further than a friendship.

 

Just my life, but I'm working hard on it, to be better with myself and others IRL, just need to communicate this with you. It helps me. I should write a book lol, btw I wrote a novel two years ago.  ;) Share your stories if you want/need to, I like to read it, btw thanks Rantala, Audrey and Raskin.



#7
Kat0n

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Have been a student for 4 years and went to parties once or twice... globally I rarely went out of my student room and spent most of my spare time being lame on the forum/internet and breaking arcade highscores. It didn't prevent me  from having friends like a normal person but sometimes I really regret it since I should've definitely tried to socialize more, and I have the feeling that I've somehow failed or missed something interesting. On the other hand, even if I'm certainly going to end up single at 30, no one is ever going to break my arcade scores so suck it up noobs.

 

Spoiler



#8
Aniky

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Since you started...

I've been in college for last three years. It's in a different city and even a different country. I haven't made one, not one, friend these past 3 years I've been in this hellhole of a city. I'm not exactly outgoing with new people and when I feel I can be what I am around someone, that someone usually finds me too weird. Girls don't quite like me, can't tell why, but it's hard to make friends. The older you get, it just gets harder and harder. It's almost weird to try and make a friend now. I don't go out often in my city and much less in this one, if ever. 2 times I did go out was when my friend visited me here. I don't mind going out with my friends, usually I have plenty of fun, but here... These people... Don't want to sound rude of ignorant, but MY GOD are they stupid. And BORING. These are kind of people who will get up extra early (6am) to attend eucharistic celebration before catching classes and in the evening they'll get incredibly drunk and cheat on their SOs. But god forbid I mention I sometimes enjoy a joint LOL, that's just too much I guess. They are extremely and insincerely religious. All of them. Multiple times I was asked to come to these weird youth christian club cults or whatever they all attend and are part of. I usually tell them I don't believe in God they believe in because I always thought they'll leave me alone. But no, they try and recruit me and save my soul.

Sometimes I hang out with these girls when we have a break between classes, all they do is gossip and talk about nails and getting married. I find it mind numbingly boring and when there's no mind stimulation in conversation I tend to just leave it. They all find me crazy weird and antisocial. I don't mind that, I prefer to be left alone.

This situation is the main reason why I watched THAT many movies and series :D

 

Back home I have few people I really tolerate and can be with and a female best friend whom I adore and been friends with last 7 years and a male friend with whom I've been friends for 6 years, to whom I think I feel deep feels if you feel me :D I'm happy with all the people I have in life and I'm even happier with ones I didn't let in my life or vice versa.

 

 

tl;dr I only love and have you guys, LOVE ME PLEASE.

 

Was actually bothered to read all that wall of text (hah), if u ever come around my place, i will buy u a beer or anything else u desire, so u see the difference between here and down there and enjoy what real pal's means all about :)

 

Note: I expect the same from u whenever i will be stuck down there, or else, behold the wrath of seven kingdoms! :D



#9
Raskin

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My wife was a teacher,then a safety inspector.. teachers are almost always liberal...you have to look for our own kind...where they go...health food stores,book stores.the art district in town a sidewalk cafe..people who love nature..charity events.people who support causes.. this is where I find my kind : }

#10
audrey

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Was actually bothered to read all that wall of text (hah), if u ever come around my place, i will buy u a beer or anything else u desire, so u see the difference between here and down there and enjoy what real pal's means all about :)
 
Note: I expect the same from u whenever i will be stuck down there, or else, behold the wrath of seven kingdoms! :D


I wont buy you anything you desire, but I can buy you a beer at UMF yes :D

#11
Aniky

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I wont buy you anything you desire, but I can buy you a beer at UMF yes :D

 

 

Hah, cheap ass!



#12
Raskin

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Hah, cheap ass!

jeezz.... I mean.. jeezzarmadillo.png

Edited by Raskin, 17 May 2015 - 06:11 AM.


#13
meow

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Love is overated. Got my computer and my games, don't need anything else <3



#14
Martinix!

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Love is overated. Got my computer and my games, don't need anything else <3

 

That's what I thought too. But now, my sister, my cousins and many friends aren't single anymore and we will not spend good times anymore. I don't often see them... Because they have a SO, and they live far away from me. Maybe one reason why I feel lonely :) I wanna try love, share my feeling with a girl I love, do group activities I did with them, but now with her. Simple things like walk in the park, cycling, travel, why not shopping... Of course I can do it alone (and I DO it alone), but it's less funnier!

 

I do like my computer and my video games but nothing can beat real life.  ;)



#15
Raskin

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give love without expecting it will be retuned....my best advise






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