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Critique me on this?

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#1
Lumen

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Just wrote it a few minutes ago, its on one of Benjamin Franklins inventions, The lightning Rod, and what would happen if we didn't have it.


In case you don't live in the U.S and don't know who Benjamin Franklin was he was a man who lived in the 18th century meaning the 1700's. He was a founding father of the United States and lived in Paris, France for a while. He was also a stone mason and an inventor.




The invention I couldn’t live without would be the lightning rod. That invention was what sparked (haha get it) the journey into building basically everything we have today. Because almost everything is powered by electricity. I couldn’t even type this without it. And who knows maybe if we didn’t have Mr.Franklin we wouldn’t have found a way to harvest it.
Without the lightning rod we could still be using torches for light, many things people seek to for entertainment would not exist and so much would be different. Schools would still be using blackboards and everything would be on paper. You wouldn’t even have a toaster. It would be hard to keep food cold in the summer and we would have to use wood/coal burning fire places for heat in the winter. In fact many things in your house were made by using electricity as an energy source for power tools, machinery and for the workers to get there used electricity. You wouldn’t even have a coffee maker.


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#2
I3lessed

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I would add in a conclusion sentence. IMO you shouldn't end with "You wouldn't even have a coffee maker." Make your final sentence something that sums up everything else you've written in your paragraph.

#3
SinfulRaevyn

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Agreed. You should have a better conclusive sentence/paragraph to summerize your point. otherwise, it's not too shabby. :)

#4
Frated1

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The lightning rod doesn't store electricity. It just prevents fires because the lightning strikes it, which then transmits the electricity into the ground.
So imo your whole essay itself is not factual. :mellow:

#5
JoeDirt

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Actually you could thank Nikola Tesla for the way electricity is produced today.

#6
JohnWayne

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JoeDirt is right, but I am sure Aliens turned him on to the info about electricity :embrass

#7
Lumen

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hehe actually thanks I need to go rewrite it on another invention. Thanks for the tips :P




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