The Hitchhiker's Guide To Memes Pt.3: Solid Memes

Admiral Ackbar: Admiral Ackbar is really only a meme when used in conjunction with his famous line in Star Wars, Episode VI: Luke Skywalker and the Sorceror's Stone. It all started at OriginalContent.com with some newfag posting a picture of Admiral Ackbar, to which another person responded, "ITS A TRAP!!!" That thread continued in that fashion; someone would post something that resembled the word "trap", be it tarp, carp, or snark. It stopped being funny after 10 posts, but the tards wouldn't stop. Whenever newfags encounter their first epic thread, they always cling to the forced meme as if it were the best thing evar. This would ensure Admiral Ackbar's place in internet history.


Card Crusher: Card Crusher, also known as the rude dude or Zoomjap is an old-as-the-internet-itself 4chan /a/ meme, consisting of a series of strips based on Professor Himonya (碑文谷教授 in moonspeak), a rude Professor of Linguistics from the University of Tokyo (who apparently is an expert on making people uncomfortable), who goes on Japanese TV and creates lulz by insulting various presenters. It began when a certain /a/sshole posted a YouTube link of him being interviewed. The twist of the video happens when Professor Himonya gives the female interviewer a business card and asks her to pretend it's hers. She then presents the business card back to him; he looks at it, smiles, and then proceeds to crush it in his fist and hold it to her face, whilst maintaining a pose and goofy facial expression. In Japan, business cards are serious business, so doing this is the eleven version of raping someone else's family pet in front of them.


Epic Beard Man: Epic Beard Man (Thomas Bruso aka Vietnam Tom aka Tom Slick; not to be confused with Wise Beard Man) is a 67 year old war veteran who gained internet fame on February 16th, 2010 in a video which was filmed by Iyanna Washington and was posted to YouTube. In the video, our elderly hero finds himself confronted by a racially sensitive and reasonably angry drunk black man who wanted to move to the front of the bus. He subsequently surprises us by delivering a beat down so crushing in its righteousness that it has touched the scrotum of Jesus himself. Predictably enough, lulz ensued and 4chan dropped everything to crown their new King. Epic Beard Man is a MOTHER f***ER. He even has the shirt to prove it.


Facepalm: This versatile /b/ meme is a bit of a sleeper and usually only comes off the bench and comes into play whenever a newfag divides faggotry by zero in posts of epic f***tardation and FAIL. This meme usually comes with no words -because enough has been said already. Instead, any image of a 'palmed face' will do the job and can be played without a macro by simply typing facepalm.jpg. You'd think this would happen over 9,000 times a day with 4chan's recent influx of cancerous Gaiafags, furry Gaiafags and 13-year-old, furry, Gaiafag boys who are out of school for summer with nothing to do but fag-up /b/, but 99% of the oldfags have abandoned ship to play on 7chan, 420chan, any of 4chan's other fine boards, or 12chan but mainly infinitychan. The remaining ones visit for an hour a week, post a facepalm.jpg, and start a vore thread, which is then invaded by a single new, samefag who doesn't know in which field sage is to be placed. (PROTIP: Sage goes in the name every field.) However, sometimes words are not enough for Anonymous to express the profound frustration and disgust at unfathomable Gaiafag shenanigans and it is in these troubling times that the Facepalm image post is employed. The best thing about this image macro is that the concept of it never gets old because annoying phrases aren't necessary, and the fact that at least every person on the planet who's over the age of 5 has done at least once in their lifetime. Therefore, while the message is always the same, Facepalm is possibly the first true Interchangeable Meme to appear on the Internet.


Hypnotoad: Hypnotoad is a fictional character from the cartoon FutuALL GLORY TO THE HYPNOTOAD


John Locke: John Locke is a character from the unpopular television drama Lost. In the show, this lovable skinhead often f***s everything up for the castaways/f***tards. Why? Because he's Locke. If you get in his way, he's going to f*** up your shit. He is so f***ing awesome, he's named after a philosopher from the Age of Enlightenment who influenced the Founding Fathers. Locke eventually found his way onto 4chan and continues to f** up everyone's shit. It's all part of the lulziest meme to show up on /b/ for a long time.


KILL IT WITH FIRE: Since time immemorial, man has used fire as an easy, effective tool for the disposal of unwanted things and, as they are certainly not excluded, unwanted people. You can't really trace down the exact point in time when fire pwnage began, simply because it was invented at least 100 years ago by our spiritual forebearers. Why Fire? Well, it's quite simple; fire makes killing people lulzy. Nothing causes more lulz than watching a writhing swarm of Furfags die in a blaze of glory or seeing that Goth b*** who claims to have majikal control over flames get what she had been asking for... and then burning her. Hell, it also makes a good warning sign to others if you go ahead and burn them on your own property or wherever their kind aren't welcome. Nothing says, "Stay off of my lawn, nigger!" Like the smoldering corpse of his thieving brother.


Man The Harpoons: Man The Harpoons, much like Facepalm, is a versatile meme that can come into play in a variety of situations but is primarily utilized when a great big whale is sighted on the horizon. To put it simpler, use it when you see a fatass. Also see the secondary meaning of this meme. This meme is one that should be played quickly, because it can be neutralized by the "in before" (harpoons/TITS OR GTFO/gb2)post. Derivatives of this meme include replacing the word harpoon with something that would bring down complete ruin on the victim/poster. For example macros with lulz like: The Finnisher - For When The Harpoons Just Won't Cut It.


Pretty Cool Guy: The phrase pretty cool guy, as we know it, was a quote by some retard on /b/ in late 2007 describing his pet, cyclofrog. It started as a shit post on a Friday night. By Saturday morning, Anonymous had cuntpasted it for great justice. Unlike everything else that comes from 4chan it actually enjoys success as a pretty cool meme. Each Image board has also adopted it as their own and tweaked it to its liking. But, of course, like all good things that manage to find their way onto /b/ this meme has been raped to a great extent making the joke old shortly after its inception.


Spengbab: Spengbab is like Spongebob, except not. Y'see, once upon a time, Spongebob got lost on his way to a Russian bath-house and ended up in an unknown location after consulting Mapquest for directions. Upon arrival he was welcomed by the locals with a complete MS Paint makeover so's he'd fit in better. However, like The Picture of Dorian Gray, the moar he lurked, the moar his likeness became gruesomely disfigured and hideous. Now, he is to the point that he has become the very definition of H.P. Lovecraft's famous works, in all of their eldritch horror. While "Spengbab" is his usual alias, he is also known by several disgusting - and unfortunately apt - names, which you will find below. Thankfully, the mutation made it so he can no longer talk, or at least, he can only talk in Simple English.


That F***ing Cat: 4chan meme, also called "cover-Tom". Usually consisting of a picture of Tom (from the old Tom & Jerry cartoons), usually in response to another /b/tard randomly saying "IF I SEE THAT F***ING CAT ONE MORE TIME", although more likely the person saying this and the person posting the Tom pic are the same person, making it a sort of internet meme masturbation.


Weegee: WEEGEE (a.k.a. Luigi) is constantly shoop'd into any image in existence. Created 8/11/2007 by the LUEser MonkeyInCloset, Weegee has become a common meme in /v/, and most images he's in create instant lulz. However, lately, /v/ has disowned weegee, because of his frequent abuse by underaged kids and weeaboos. His disturbing image is based off the equally disturbing sprite found in the shit-tastic DOS game "Mario is Missing", a game where you travel the world in search of his lost brother while learning things. Normal Luigi is in the NES and SNES versions of the game, and Weegee can only be found in the DOS version. Weegee's piercing gaze is known to rupture souls, rend dimensions, break bosons and devour minds. It doesn't take much lurking on /v/ to witness Weegee embarking on another grand adventure in the vidya. To this day it remains unknown if Weegee is actually "Luigi" or something far worse, like a Waluigi clone. Nevertheless, you might want it to stay away from your children. Weegee will skull-f*** the shit out of you if you turn away from him. Prior to his current career as a  plumber, Weegee dabbled in photography.

PLEASE DIRECT ANY CRITICISM TO BUTTERZ GAYTERZ