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Increase Your Wireless Connection the Ghetto Way

Posted by OnionKnight, in How to Increase Your WiFi 16 March 2010 · 3,771 views

Ghetto Wireless Connection Boost

MAKE GHETTO THINGS THE ONION WAY


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Yus thats right. You can be gangsta like me ! What to see the latest in onion technology that can boost your wifi? I show you so you pay me now dawg.

Onion's Super Awesome Powerful Lazer Satellite Dish v 1.1


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Fack ya !! You can't get more Ghetto than if you use Onion's Super Awesome Powerful Lazer Satellite dish v1.1. Before I use to get 3 wireless connections but now BAM. With the awesome facking super onion powerful lazer satellite, I now get 18 connections. How you make it? Well fack why the hell should i tell you? Okay i'll tell you. Damn you will need

1.) The cheapest Chinese-made Strainer you can get from the dollar store ($1.00 or less)

I like to emphasize the point that it has to be the cheapest one or it won't work. Also it is necessary that it is a chinese made product, because they are great conductors of everything !! (heat, radio waves, SARS, Killer Bees, Mad angry dogs...etc) If it is from anyone else the quality might be soo good that you will destroy your ghettoness

2.) Rubber bands ($0.10 or less)

Yes we use state of the art rubber bands to hold the antenna into the center of the strainier. I tried to use dental floss to emphasize the ghettoness of this creation but it blew my mind and became flammable. This lead to the destruction of Onion's Super Awesome Powerful Lazer Satellite Dish v. 1.0

3.) Card Board (Free if stolen)

I used the cardboard box that was used to package my processor. But if you want real ghetto (and i mean real real Ghetto), you should go out and find the nearest homeless man, and steal the cardboard he is sleeping on. It also comes with an intriguing and satisfying old hobo smell !

4.) Non Ghetto Antenna/USB Extender

You will need an antenna extender to attach to your PCI network adapter. If you use a USB adapter, you will need a USB extender. This is the only part which is unfortunately not ghetto

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Instructions:
Drill a hole through the chinese made strainer, shove your antenna/usb through it, stabilize the antenna/usb in place with rubber bands, and pin a hole in the cardboard box to mount the dish in place. Connect the end of the antenna/usb to the PCI network adapter / USB port using your antenna extension cable / USB extension.

AND WHALLA YOU GET GHETTO IN UR LIVING ROOM FREE OF CHARGE !!

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The Ghetto ONION SURFER BOOYAHHHH


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Ya thats right !! You liked what you saw back there. Man you must be like "holy facking shit that was amazing ! Damn that dish was like ghetto alright". Well you seen nothing yet !!

I present to you the Onion Surfer !! The Onion Surfer boosts your reception to up to 20-30% !! You go from 3 bars, to 4-5 bars in a flash !!! BIATCH !! Thats right, I bet you didn't see that coming !!.

What you need is:

Tinfoil - Kill the Tinman and cut him down if you need it
Paper - Kill Paperboy and steal his newspaper if you need it
Chopsticks - Kill Mr Miyagi from the "Karate Kid"and rob his old fat ass blind and after you got money of his corpse, go buy some chopsticks. Or you can just steal some but man, who wants to do that.
Rubberbands - Go rob Yoyo or something. Shit if you can't afford those you are too ghetto for me

Instuctions:
Tape/glue the Tinfoil to the paper. Then shove the chopsticks through and bend the tinfoil glued paper till it makes a parabola. Then use the rubberband to mount it to your router's antennas. Remember to rotate the parabolas to the general direction of your computer for the best results.

AND FACKING WHALLAA !!! THE ONION SURFER

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THIS IS NO WAY ASSOCIATED WITH THE "WIND SURFER". I CAME UP WITH THE IDEA FIRST AND IF YOU HEARD OTHERWISE THATS A FACKIGN LIE DAMNNN. Don't Even Think About Googling that !!!

Ya thats right !! You can't get anymore ghetto than this dawg. Next week I will show you how to make a fancy hat out of lard, feathers and a trash bag

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Lol, You aren't gangsta yet..

You need 17 dollars.
The cat is wearing a very Un-ghetto beanie, Its got the Morbid Angel logo on it for god sake.
Awsome Onion :D
I'm afraid to ask but does this actually work??? Moreover is there a point to it if you already have full reception from your router (all bars green)?

I'm afraid to ask but does this actually work??? Moreover is there a point to it if you already have full reception from your router (all bars green)?


Yes you will be more ghetto. You can't be ghetto without it so go get one!
Can someone say to much free time?
onion your my hero :D

I'm afraid to ask but does this actually work??? Moreover is there a point to it if you already have full reception from your router (all bars green)?


Yes it works pretty good, especially if you want to steal internet with the Onion Dish :lol: .
@Aigle: now I'm tempted to make the dish, it looks hilarious.

Yes it works pretty good, especially if you want to steal internet with the Onion Dish :lol: .


Then this might enable my sick wishes come true.
I've always wanted to connect to unsecured (for now) wireless networks and print them messages if they had network printer connected.

@Aigle: now I'm tempted to make the dish, it looks hilarious.



Then this might enable my sick wishes come true.
I've always wanted to connect to unsecured (for now) wireless networks and print them messages if they had network printer connected.


Lawl if your going to do that, put it on your balcony XD. The higher I place the "onion dish" the more connections i get for me.
wait seriously, is this for real?
Nice. You can also add SD card on your Linksys Linux router.

How much extra db gain you are getting from those home made parabolic style antenna? Are you using any tool to measure wifi strength?
Well done, now get DD-WRT and boost your antenna power.

Nice. You can also add SD card on your Linksys Linux router.

How much extra db gain you are getting from those home made parabolic style antenna? Are you using any tool to measure wifi strength?


You mean the "onion surfer XD". I have no clue what db gain I got. If you have any software to measure it, feel free to send it here =D.

As for the tool I was using the ralink internet configuration software. It showed the strength at 56-63% at normal (windows reads it at 3 bars). After the parabolic tinfoil around the antennas, it showed strength at 75-82% (4 bars).

Try it out. It looks stupid but it works haha (to be honest, I just stole all these ideas off youtube XD)

Well done, now get DD-WRT and boost your antenna power.


Haha I am still using the linksys firmware. But since I have a perfect connection now, I don't think i will bother with it at the moment :lol:
omg, even it works! but if u stole the idea from YouTube, then u cant pantent the invention :P
http://www.netstumbler.com/downloads/

This should help to get you going for measuring strength and noise. :)
Yes this is all well and good, but you also need a ghetto computer:

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WOW, THAT SHIT'S DOPE

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