Increase Your Wireless Connection the Ghetto Way
Ghetto Wireless Connection Boost
MAKE GHETTO THINGS THE ONION WAY
Yus thats right. You can be gangsta like me ! What to see the latest in onion technology that can boost your wifi? I show you so you pay me now dawg.
Onion's Super Awesome Powerful Lazer Satellite Dish v 1.1
Fack ya !! You can't get more Ghetto than if you use Onion's Super Awesome Powerful Lazer Satellite dish v1.1. Before I use to get 3 wireless connections but now BAM. With the awesome facking super onion powerful lazer satellite, I now get 18 connections. How you make it? Well fack why the hell should i tell you? Okay i'll tell you. Damn you will need
1.) The cheapest Chinese-made Strainer you can get from the dollar store ($1.00 or less)
I like to emphasize the point that it has to be the cheapest one or it won't work. Also it is necessary that it is a chinese made product, because they are great conductors of everything !! (heat, radio waves, SARS, Killer Bees, Mad angry dogs...etc) If it is from anyone else the quality might be soo good that you will destroy your ghettoness
2.) Rubber bands ($0.10 or less)
Yes we use state of the art rubber bands to hold the antenna into the center of the strainier. I tried to use dental floss to emphasize the ghettoness of this creation but it blew my mind and became flammable. This lead to the destruction of Onion's Super Awesome Powerful Lazer Satellite Dish v. 1.0
3.) Card Board (Free if stolen)
I used the cardboard box that was used to package my processor. But if you want real ghetto (and i mean real real Ghetto), you should go out and find the nearest homeless man, and steal the cardboard he is sleeping on. It also comes with an intriguing and satisfying old hobo smell !
4.) Non Ghetto Antenna/USB Extender
You will need an antenna extender to attach to your PCI network adapter. If you use a USB adapter, you will need a USB extender. This is the only part which is unfortunately not ghetto
Drill a hole through the chinese made strainer, shove your antenna/usb through it, stabilize the antenna/usb in place with rubber bands, and pin a hole in the cardboard box to mount the dish in place. Connect the end of the antenna/usb to the PCI network adapter / USB port using your antenna extension cable / USB extension.
AND WHALLA YOU GET GHETTO IN UR LIVING ROOM FREE OF CHARGE !!
The Ghetto ONION SURFER BOOYAHHHH
Ya thats right !! You liked what you saw back there. Man you must be like "holy facking shit that was amazing ! Damn that dish was like ghetto alright". Well you seen nothing yet !!
I present to you the Onion Surfer !! The Onion Surfer boosts your reception to up to 20-30% !! You go from 3 bars, to 4-5 bars in a flash !!! BIATCH !! Thats right, I bet you didn't see that coming !!.
What you need is:
Tinfoil - Kill the Tinman and cut him down if you need it
Paper - Kill Paperboy and steal his newspaper if you need it
Chopsticks - Kill Mr Miyagi from the "Karate Kid"and rob his old fat ass blind and after you got money of his corpse, go buy some chopsticks. Or you can just steal some but man, who wants to do that.
Rubberbands - Go rob Yoyo or something. Shit if you can't afford those you are too ghetto for me
Tape/glue the Tinfoil to the paper. Then shove the chopsticks through and bend the tinfoil glued paper till it makes a parabola. Then use the rubberband to mount it to your router's antennas. Remember to rotate the parabolas to the general direction of your computer for the best results.
AND FACKING WHALLAA !!! THE ONION SURFER
THIS IS NO WAY ASSOCIATED WITH THE "WIND SURFER". I CAME UP WITH THE IDEA FIRST AND IF YOU HEARD OTHERWISE THATS A FACKIGN LIE DAMNNN. Don't Even Think About Googling that !!!
Ya thats right !! You can't get anymore ghetto than this dawg. Next week I will show you how to make a fancy hat out of lard, feathers and a trash bag